Hope november 6th 2013 11:17 am

U r one fantastic person i know , U r THE MOST beautiful person  i ever met, Beauty doesnt mean a beautiful attire or the way one carries herself beauty means to touch some ones life like a stream of water washing away the beast in some one else...

Your presence made me invincible but ur absence is making me realise how small i was, and the way of expressing my love towards you was a worldly disguise where as expressing love is a universal emotion that has a completely different way of approach.. an approach that binds two souls till the end of time..

I always knew i love you more than anything else in this planet but how can i express it was a thing that frustrated me , my thoughts were to never to loose a sight of you  so i fought to meet all days.. my thoughts of hearing your voice and making you hear mine was a way for our souls to communicate all the time hence i use to fight to talk to you for hours at the end of the day.. When i heard we will be away for years to come my innerself cried like a baby and reacted like an infants anger and complaints... though all these are perhaps not a way to express love.. but it sure  tried mean madhu i love you a lot amay chere jash naa please... perhaps your self respect took it in a wrong way... the smile in my face when i used to clasp you in my arms or when i use gaze or catch a glimpse of you when you would agree to meet was much more beautiful than my childish rage and my book of complaints...Doesnt this mean my love for you was sublime ??

when i gave you my soul i did mean it when i said "its yours till the end of time" ... "i want you in all my lives"... You were the anchor in my life amidst the stormy ocean .... your presence clasped me from drowning in this harsh worldly ocean ...

I hope your anger and rage collapses with time and our souls where ever we are in this planets unites... now i have realised you dont need to be clasped in each others arms to be together , you dont need to meet everyday to feel love  and you dont need to talk to make the souls communicate.. you just need a loving heart to seal a person amidst their absence in reality... I have no doubts that i have sealed you in my heart...
I just want to see if u sealed me in yours ...

Truth is when "the mind stops ... time stops .. " i am stuck in that time when you were with me and our love for each other sprayed all colours in each others life.. I now just live to hope.. and hope to dream.. and hope to be with you..

My childish affection and platonitcity for you has subsided like a boiling fluid.. and my love for you has thickened , it is now ready as you always desired , it is like you always imagined...

My heavy heart still beats for you to say "yes ss you are the one".. "you are mine".. My teary eyes has dried leaving hoards of hopes for us to unite..

Can you Ask permission from your innerself just to see me once more ??? dont compromise your choice for if you dont want to see the changes in me... i would still be holding on to you forever... bt the ageing mind says notice me for i am getting old with seconds passing by .. seconds for now is like years to a healthy mind.. for my mind it is ageing beyond its youth .. searching for you in all it percieves...

My heart :-
~ u r in the breath i take ..
u r in the dream i make...

ur the crutch that i need..
ur the hope that i seed..

see me now for i might die..
the weary mind lives to cry..

live for you with a thought
in the end all will sought

without you i will not lie
love you till the day i die ~

come to me and bless my life for i will live till i die.. since the day u left i have started counting the days till i last live ..

i want to live till i die.. not die till the last day i live... but if you can live without me happily all your life i will die till i live with some peace..

see me once amdist your fear.. it will bring me somewhat near..

Christina perry ~ "Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

November 1st 2013... (somporko)

Kichu somporko hoy shob kichur urdhe shob kichur opor a.. its called a match made in heavens... tumi amr kache oram i chile..jodio ami tomar kache oram kichui chilam naa..amake ke niey just goto 3.5 bochor tumi just obessed chile... aaj ar sei object ta roilo kina kono matter kore na.. sei pagol prem ta tomar kache akta just relationship chilo which didnt work out.. jodi eto deen tomar moto kore thaktam jani naa taholeo hoytoh chere dite.. kin2 ki jano flawless bole kichu hoy naa tateo kichu flaw nischoi pete...

Amar tomar proti je bhalobasha ta chilo it was mad.. it was intense .. it was divine.. tomar mdhy ami amar ishwar take dekhtam.. tomar mdhy ami ekta maa dekhtam.. tomar mdhy ami amar jiboner shb sukh khuje petam... ato bhalobasha tar ar justification roilo naa.. jibon a first nije kobe gari chailechi first kobe baba chokher jol muchie diechilo.. first kobe ekta darun cricket a performance die chilam .. shob muche gechilo tomar prem a pore... tomay niey ato sukh khuje peyechilam jibon er baki shob smriti baki shob onnonto dukho bhule gechilam...

I feel like a non living object finished with the purpose of love and affection.. ar kichu nei nijer mdhy khali ekta bacha ke kadte dekhi ... akta bacha je uthe daranor agei tar maa take chere dieychole galo..

Jodi tumi amar nijer rokter keu hote hoytoh ei bhby chere jete parte naa... aaj dariey tumi somaj er scale a amay mappo .. somaj er dristibhongi diey amay judge koro... kintu kichu jinish somaj kaaj family self respect dignity liking shob kichur urdhe jae sei infinite scale diey tomay mappi ami...

Ato deen a tomar onek kacher lok amay onek kichu boleche.. tomar bondhura tomar maa .. tomar didi sobai onek bhbg bokeche.. ar tomar bondhura toh amay jatah bole che.. ami gae makhi naa oishob karon amar bhalobasha sudhu tomay niey.. eta ke tomar somaj bole self respect heen manush.. ami boli eta selfless heen  bhalobasha.. dutor mdhy akash patal tofat...

Tumi ashte ashte boro hocho nijer thik bhul ta bichar korte sikhcho .. kintu tomar samajik chokhe jeta bhul lagche sheta ki adeo bhul?? pagoler Bhalobashar ki kono daam nei.. tumio o somaj er moto amay pagol bole outcast kore dile bole dile jaah asylum a giey thak ota tor best jaega... kin2 behind every madness there is a cause of deep emotions.. a cause of deep love..

Nijer maan soman ar baki shob kichu tyag kore diechilam hoytoh relation a thaka kalin jodi amar ghore amay stab kore dite hashte hashtei chokh bujhe nitam... aaj ei bhby torture kore amay marar dorkar chilo naa.. akhn jeno mon a hoy shotti pagol chilam hoytoh oi kota bochor ekta sopno chilo ekta bishhhhaaallll boro sopno chilo jeta kono drugs newar por dekhchilam...

Reality te aaj firlam.. tumi konodeen i nijer feelings er jonoh kichu koro ni tumi hoytoh just amar haa te haa milie chile amar bhoy...ami sala pagol bhabtam hoytoh tumi bhalobeshe haa te haa mela te... sopno and reality hoche duto opposite jinish...
Reality te tumi kono deen i amay bhalobasho ni amar sopne mona hoto jeno tomar kache prem mane ami i...

Bhalobasha ki jinish kash training ba porikha dewa jeto marks ta dekhtam koto pai.. eto bhalo kore bhalobeshe aaj ei deen dekhchi... seconds jokhn years er moto kore kate tokhn bojhajae koto ta feeling chilo... jokhn seconds miliseconds er moto taratari kate tar mane sei feelings er ar kono daam nei...

Amay majhy mjhy eshe ekjon bole janish o tor jonoh pray kkrechilo kaal.. ami hashi ar take boli jaah giey dekhie de amar chobi ta.. ki obosthay achi.. sheo heshe etai bole sala tui i pagol o dkehteo chae naa tui kisher mdhy achis.. o o nijer bhul take niey sheta destiny ir lekha bole dite chae...

Tumi aram se life lead koro go.. hebby uthe darao... jibon a eksecond er jonoh amar kono memories ba sufferings er ktha bhebo naa bujhle ... ami ar beshi kotha barachi naa apatoto.. jei bhby suffer korchi kkrte dao!!! Bhalobeshona jokhn tokhn bhebe ki labh... je bhalobashe shey kisher mdhy diey jache!!!

October 31st 2013 5:50pm (jed)

Ami jani naa wbjee ir sthy hw cn u compare the future.. 9 10 11 ws really kiddish otar por it can be said baki ta destiny will decide... bt last 3.5 years was an intense relationship jeta te ojoshro bhalobasha chilo etake ei obsthay chere hw can U leave the future to destiny this is not done!!! Tumi amar opor ato ta rege je amar bapar a bhalo kichu bhabtei chao naa eta ekta jed dhore rekhecho... eta ki thik??

Sob jaegay prblms hoy jano kin2 no prblms are big enough if there is a magical word in btween "LOVE"... ei jed tae tomar strength barche kin2 opor dik er manush ta emotionless akta body hoe jache .. shey ato ta bhalobashe bole ato suffer  korche..

Ei level er relation erpor hw cn u leave it to destiny.. bhebe crushed lagche amar... matha gorom kore i said sumthng shetar jonoh eram bhby crucify koro na ...reltion a ele hoy toh happy hbe naa bt with time i wll make u ths happiest person in the world .. ei muhurte ekbar chokh bondho kore haa bole dao last time .. it wll make me.. please for the sake of true love.. i m not a liar i realllly reallllly luv u a lot...

Tumi time chao to get stronger akta kotha ki jano strong hote hote amon ekta point asbe where ami thaki ki thakina sheta tomar kache ar matter i korbe naa.. ei reltionship ta ar matter i korbe naa tomar kache.. tumi shei pothei hatcho.. our reltionship had a WE factor in it.. we were an unit.. jeta jar mon a ashto bole ditam because amar mon a jai ashto sheta tomake naa bolle hw cn i say je amader mdhy ekta WE factor chilo...

Amar raag jodi reltion take teto kore thake tahole tomar jed ta reltion take sesh kore diche ... kono jinish sesh kora uchit naa go.. bhalobeshe thakle teto bhab ta eibar change kore dewar sujog dite.. jai bolo naa keno tumi tomar decissions niey felecho u want to forget everything about me with time... just dekhte chao ami uthe darachi tarpor ar amar identity tao mone rakhbe naa... uthe ami daraboi with time ... so chinta koro naa u can safely leave without a worry..

Nijer sweet side ta totally cut off kore diecho karon u have already slayed me mane amay kete felecho alrdy... ami jani ar ferot eleo ar sweet side ta anbe naa jai korbo bhabe ami acting korchi tomar samne ar amar kono kichu nei.. ei porjae giey eram ekta abrupt end hobe bhabi ni.. bhebe dakhar chestao korini.. i lived my life as new day came ... tomar hoytoh onek deen thekei chilo mathay amay chara chinta noytoh ei bhby ekdeen a keu nijer sweet side ta ek secnd a chng kore nite pare naa... akbar bhalobeshe thakle agey theke bole dite soubhik amay aste aste jete de am not into u ar... love u re still m still mad for u..

agey thekei tomar iche chilo chole jawar kin2 jete bhoy pete karon jante ki level er attached ami ar ki bhby bhenge jabo tai jao ni...bhabte eibar last time observe kore ni jodi bhalo thakte pari... kono decission ek second a ashe naa eitar pichone onek deen er chinta thake jano..  etar jonoi bolo uthe dara this is not how i wanted to see you..tomar ekta kotha aaj first time mathay strike korlo bhalobasha ar bhalo thaka is diffrnt .. bhalobeshe chile no doubt kin2 ekhn tym bhalo thakar tai decide kore nieycho ei dik ta dekhbe naa ... ekbar jodi agey theke bolte ar ei relation ta posache naa re.. bhalo hoto go...

Jano toh maa maai thake tar mane ei naa je maake niey bhebe jete hby.. etar mane ki ami maa ke granted hishab a nichi?? Its just tht kichu jinish er proti chokh bondho kore bhorsa thakle u knw it wll b there forever... and amader mdhy kar WE factor tar jonoh tomay mon a kichu elei bole ditam cz i feel amar mon tae tumi acho.. tai hoytoh bole feltam janish oi meyetar chul bhalo laglo chul strt korabi... its not tht i want to end up with tht person bhul bhby nile...

Tomar proti amar paglamo ta oshim chilo kono shima heen.. tai just beche achi.. kin2 kono manush ke paglamo diey dhore rakha jae naa.. my luv fr u ws in one word is mad... sympathy ir jonoh akhno block korte parcho naa je bhenge jabo na go bhenge jabo naa.. bhalobasha thakle shob thik kore newa jae.. with time u forget and move in life.. akhn u want to forget evrythng bout us and move on in life.. soubhik ke muche felte parbe naa kono deen bt with time soubhik ke chara bhalo thakte sikhe jabe eta ekhn tomar ankhanka.. i respect ur decission to leave me and go also to empathise on soubhik and be there as a friend to make him stand up.. u r my emotion and source of dependency tai contact rakhte bolechi emon noy to supprt me till i stand.. protek deen oi duto chat a i feel yes she is there hoytoh ebar bolbe lets end ths fight and live peacefully for ever..

9 10 11 er por destiny ir opor a chara jae .. kin2 last 3.5 yrs er por i dont think destiny ir opor amader future chara jae.. with the time u want u just want to see if you can live happily without soubhik..  ar ami jani tumi bhalothakbe amay bhule jabe with time.. destiny ir hath a oi jinish ta chara jae jeta ei muhurte tumi bhule jete chao.. tai koro bhalo theko without me.. amay chance ar somoy dile tomar unhappiness ta happiness a convert kore ditam go... shb relation ei jhut jhamela baaje kotha thake kin2 oi love factor tar jonoh shb bhule abar kore shuru korar iche ta ashe... u dont love me any more..bt i do and will forever do so.. tomar ar poth katbo naa go cz i cant see you unhappy..

Porashuna kore je gari ghora kore se.. shunecho nischoi etar actuall mane ki jano etar mane kormo koro destiny banao... destiny nije nije toiri hoy naa.. amader dakha hoya ta was a coincidence.. ekta 25 km er sohor a dakha hoe jabe is very common.. bt ekta atooo boro prithibi te abar dakha hbe is a foolish way to b thght of.. jani nijeke aro sokto korcho jate with time tumi nije uthe darie bhalothakte sikhe jao .. ar ami sikhe jai.. tokhn rltn ta roilo ki roilo naa ar matter i korbe naa.. in way u r saying to me.. i dont love u anymore ar asteoo chai naa tr life a.. so darie amay chara thaka sikhe ne beche jabi ..tai toh??

Ekbar jodi bolte amay chara koto deen thakte parish dekhi ? Eta patience er porikha bola jae... ba dekhi ebar relation a giey shotii koto deen nijer change ta dhore rakhte parish ?? Is a way to see adeo jaah bolechi sheta mante pari kina .. kin2 dakha jaak destiny amader ane kina is a way to say uthe dara aste aste nije nijei khusi thaka sikhe jabi amay chara...

Ato deen scope pao ni to call it quits karon jante kolkatay theke eta oshombhob.. aaj dure giey noytoh ek jhotkay u cannot call it quits like this... agey bolte parte go aste aste...

October 31st 2013.. 11:31am (smriti gulo eshe roj dorja te kora nare ar hath pate ar bhenge pore kanna te~ hasnuhanah :"| )

Aaj purono kichu smriti mon a porche... mon a pore sedin ta 2nd sem sei college giey ami boi collect kore bari firei abar tomar sthy dakha korte gechilam.. teen ghonta tumi dariey chile ami by the time poucholam amar obstha oti kharap hoe gechilo hahaha...darate parchilam na thik bhby ... tao kichu sundor time spend kore eshechilam tomar sthy...

14th november 2006 mon a pore amay ar tomay jor kore nachano hochilo dance floor a.. uff ki lojja lagchilo amar...nachte pari naa je..blck with white spots ola jama ta pore chilam lol...

Ek deen dujone bus theke nemebhijechilam onek agey jodio class 9 hby... khub sundor lagchilo tomay ... i miss those days... ami jokhn i bus theke namtam tomar pashe bag ta rekhe chole jetam.. shokal a tomar pashe bosha .. ashar somoy ulto dike bosha .. ar chokhe chokhe kotha bola .. first luv is alwys so sweet naa..

Jedin tumi mirzar maths paper a khub kom number peyechile ami tomay dekhei bujhe gechilam tomar kichu ekta hoeche.. sedin tomar hath ta first time dhorlam.. sei deen ta bhola oshombhob amar pokhhe..

Amader first kiss ar hug sei bristi te cc ir math a... akhn mon elei chokh a jol ashe.. sedin i guess tomar choti chire gechilo ami abar tomay dar korie choti kine anlam...

First year er durga pujoy ami tumi ar shubham beriechilam mon a ache??? Sei ami ar tumi mohamed ali park er siri guloy boshe papri chat .. tarpor fuchka ar cold drinks khelam.. jani tomar mon a ache shob kin2 tumi bhule jete chao shob.. dadua ke bolo tomay shokti dite to forget those 6 yrs shob i shuni ami..

Second year er durga pujo ta disaster kete chilo after my back to back accidents .. ami ar tumi china haus a giey extra order kore kheye bari eshe chilam sedin tomar kole a ghumie gechilam...bhulbo naa sedin ta...amar ditiyo maa tumi..

3rd year pujo cbr a keth mere thakur dakha hahhaa lol.. moja hoechilo besh tai naa..besh onekkkk thakur dekhie chilam sei bar.. ei bar o oram ekta plan chilo mathay ebar last pujo tomay rojjjj thakur dakhte nieh jabo jotoi koshto hok naa keno.. kin2 opor ola onno kichu plan kore rekhechilo i guess...

Tomar sthy first time nalbaan food park a jawa ta mon a pore .. first year tokhn... :) first year saraswati pujo uff ki mishti lagchilo tomay pink salwar tae first a nalbaan food park then ccd lounge then bari...  aaj iche ache lounge tae onek deen baade akbar jabo akai ekta coffee khete... okhan kar coffee pizza sandwitch khete khete sei koto golpo... tomar sei chokh tippe flying kiss dewa ta aaj boddo miss kori go..

First deen gari niey jawa ar bike 4 deen sikhe tomay ante jawa ta was damn scary.. tumi aram se boshechile pichone ami bhoy kapte kapte chalachilam hahaha dakhai ni ek fota tension ta...

Mon a pore rajarhat a sei chand dakha tomar sthy.. ki shundor lagchilo naa chand ta.. khub miss kori oi chand ta ar tomar sthy sei shundor katano kichu muhurto.. sedin icha korchilo tomay ekta kiss kore di oi chand tar niche.. kin2 nijeke atke nilam karon strong dakhate hby je..

Tomay brisitir mdhy hatu gere proposal ta dunlop er kache kolaghat theke ferar somoy will b a memory which i wll cherish thrghout my life.. i propsd u fr marriage.. u said yes.. tarpor je ato kichu ghotbe ws unexpected..

Chat a cricket khela ta mon a pore secnd year a.. hahaha tumi na shotti bat i dhorte paro naa thik kore..kin2 khub sweetly bat korchile... kali pujo secnd yr sei tomar didira ar amra ek sthy baaji fatalam.. :") aaj tarai amay criminal bhabe jei bhby plead korechilam tader kache tarpor theke tara etai bhabe je soubhik chele ta otibo nimno .. tomar didi amay bolechilo tui kichu toh nischoi korechis jeta khub kharap.. bishas koro amader aro baaje jhamela hoechilo kolktay kin2 tokhn ei bhby amay punishment pete hoi ni.. tomar didi ra jokhn amay bollo chokh diey jhor jhor kore jol gorie i jachilo...thik ache tomar jonoh ektu kada ta kichu emon naa..

Bike theke feledieychilam dubar.. ekbar kono rokom a bachie ni tomay.. second bar tao je lagini m happy fr it.. tomake bar open er bairer dik tae 30 ml kinediechilam mon a ache royal stag hahaha khete paro ni amay satate holo last a... tumi maa ar ami mon a ache sharmay ek deen cha khelam debroto da r8 ta niey eshechilo.. tumi sedin second time amar gari chalale.. er agey rajarhat a zen ta sei chalie chile.. maa er samne sei deen ektu chalate gie nervous hoe gechile ektu gola uchu kore kotha bolefelechilam go sorry..tarpor didi ami ar tumi hookah ar pizza khete gechilam.. :)

Arekta jinish amar khub mon a ashe tomay jokhn i kole niey shutam tumi ekta chokh khule khule dekhte .. tomar chokh gulo amar pran chilo..tomar gaal ta toh amar torture er jaega chilo jokhn khusi je bhobhe khusi tippe ditam..

Tomay kole nite hebbby bhari lagto go.. noytoh aro often nitam.. kichu mon a koro naa..akhn amar kache sctr 5 , cc , ccd lounge , sharma, cc ir math gulor sei omullo smiriti gulo roj tane...

Rat gulo akhno ami fone ta kane diey nije nije kotha boli .. odik theke keu uttor dae naa .. kin2 bhitor theke jeno tumi majhy mjhei kotha bole otho..akhn roj sopne meet kori  amra ..jhamela hoy naa ar temon kin2 jokhn tumi chole jao koshto hoy ghum ta bhenge othe.. roj shokal 6 tay chole jao..

Tomar chul achre dewa.. saree thik kore dewa.. top thik kore dewa gulo ato mon a pore naa ki bolbo.. tumi amar princess chile acho ebong sarajibn thakbe..
Bhalo theko ami akhon uthi koshto hoche ektu nijeke ektu samle ni..

Tumi sedin amay bolle jeram wbjee ir deen dakha amader destiny chilo oram abar hote pare future tht day u wll see.. i cnt understnd 9 theke 12 obdhi ki ekon chilo amader mdhy.. oitukur basis a destiny te chara jae.. kin2 last 3.5 bochor er ato gobhir relation er por tumi ki kore future ta destiny ir hath a charte paro..ami ei bishoy tomar sthy kono torko korbo naa karon akhn ar tumi amay patta debe naa kichu bolle bolbe haa tui toh khete pele shute chaibi.. nywys char jeram ekta kothin step nile eto baaje bhby amay crush korar jani naa hoytoh thik i niecho...

Just ei tukui bolbo Boro ho o .. manush ho o.. ar ekta khub bhalo chele ke nijer sami hisabh a beche nio.. ami ar nei tomar ashe pashe tumi nijeke dar koracho.. tumi strong hocho .. ar purono jinish gulo aste aste muche felcho .. bhalo lagche tomar ei roop take.. amar kache akhno tumi the only source of happiness saradin a oi ekta duto txt exchange makes my day.. ar expect korina tumi firbe amar kache.. tumi jate khusi ho o tai koro.. ami achi tomar ontor a .. kin2 icha kore nijer 90% heart ta fire pete.. kin2 ek torfa icha diey kichu hoy naa ei jibon a.. so 10% niey i bachi.. with time i wll b strong with this 10% usage only..  ei bhby suffer kore ekta unknown rastay hat te parchina ar.. just nijeke drag korchi fr the sake of my family... tomar pashe tobu du ek jon pachho jader sthe nijeke milie nite parcho.. amar toh ar keu i nei karor sthei beroi na temon dakha shakat o kom kori.. bari te maa babar sthei jaah ektu time katie ghore eshe boshe pagol hoi...

Ekta jinish tomay bolte pari keu thakbe pashe ekta time a.. akun notun life sobai asusuall pashe ache .. nijer kacher lok der chinte ato bhul korle.. nywys tkcre ami uthi akhn bhalo lagchena go...

October 29th 11:03pm (dadua)

Ei obshthay ki bhbe acho go.. i know u have been there for work.. and m just a nonsense for you akhn... amar tomar independent howa niey kono problem chilo naa go... its just that  tumi toh janoi bhalo prediction ta kore Nitam majhe majhe. Jantam i will be ditched jodi tumi baire jao..charo baad dao bhalo korecho ditch kore.. notun world ta shundor i hbe kaaj frnds pora shb niey besh jom jomat acho.. kin2 ei schedule tar mdhy me as ur husband thakle ki eshe jeto jani naa.. tomake jalatam naa ager moto..

But i guess u have a mindset to inflict as much pain as you can give me all at once... thik ache dao no worries.. kolkatay thakte tomay aro onek kichu bolechi kichu bolo ni.. aaj bolo toto deen tolerate korechi aaj aar chnce debo naa tolerate korbo naa.. kolkatay mukher opor jonme oto bar fone ketecho?? Okhn a giey bujhlam tomar prblm chilo tai korchile oram..amr raag hbe naa oto bar fone katle..ami r ke ekhn bolo just a fucking prick who cannot be tolerated any more...i m like an extra baggage right now in ur life jake boa ta is cumbersome..

Bhogban tumi keno amay oi deen gulo dekhiechile.. shob diey amar bhorsa bhalobasha shob niey ekbare eksthy ekdeen a gurie dile.. long distnce rltn a start ta khub norbore hoy jara ei phase ta accomodate korte pare tara jite jae in the long run.. mimi koek deen ei hath tule surrender kore dilo.. amar aschorjo lage ki kore ..

 Dadua amay nije bole o bhul tao o dekhche naa keno.. bujhche naa keno??oor bhaggo ta nije kharap korche.. oor thik jache naa somoy ei karon a ..

I miss her and want her dadua ene dao naa oke.. khub shundor ekta simple relation rakhbo ene dao naa..keno eram bhobhe nije sesh hoe jachi when she doesnt even care to knw... she wants to move on with life..

For her exams is more important and it should be like that.. but amake ignore kore atlst o pore berie jabe ar jache o.. amar obstha ta nie she is not even bothered.. ekbar accept kore nile thik kore porte partam..o o shanti te pore aro bhalo kortoh.. dujon er i labh hoto.. kin2 shey eka eka i thakte chae.. dakho naa jodi kichu kore dite paro dadua.. amay ei bhby she cant forget!!! Mere falo naa amay please ..

October 29th 2013.. (7:03pm) [obhimaan koshto bedona]

Shono naa akhono rege acho na go.. Raag ta komie nao naa dakho ami palte gechi , akhono ar oto complicated on noi , sohoj sorol hoe gachi... Tumi akhno amar kichu incidents niey ato boro raag banacho...

Amar ekta kotha bhablei raag hoy je tumi amar sudhu baaje incidents gulo mon a rekhecho !!! Bhalo gulo mon e koratei gelei bolo "Dont Remind me of my past".. ato kharap laglo naa bar bar ei jinish ta bujhte , tumi ojotha ato raag korcho , jhut jhamela shob jaega tei hoy important thing is weither the emotional attachment is there or not..?? hoyoth tomar amar proti ar emotions nei .. bhable obak lage.. karon amar jotoi tomar opor raag hok naa keno tomay ami khub bhalobashi..

Amay ato kharap bhabo keno ?? dhakka diecho tate roj sikhchi .. kin2 jani naa tumi ghure takatei chao naa bolo "i cannot complicate this thing any more"... Bishas hoe naa keno jani naa je ar complicate hbe naa, bolo "I dont trust u anymore" koshto ekhane hoy je ami tomay cheat kori ni je trust bhangar golpo asche , yes foul words are also harsh kintu that doesnt decide the the trust factor.. Kin2 ki jano toh nijer sobche close lok er opor i we can take out our anger... tomake nijer shobche close mon a korechi tai ato sasti dicho .. i am totally ok with it...

Amay bolo je "tui amay boddo granted bhobhe nish".. ekabar bhebe dakho how many times in the day do you think about her or your sister or your father .. probably once or twice .. eta keno ??? tahole ki tumio tader granted hisabh a nicho ??

thing is that we become so dependent on some one that we know taratara amader pashe sarakhun ache at all highs and at all lows tai we dont think about them all the time.. eta ke tumi "GRANTED" bolle .. amar kichu bolar nei ar..

Tomake sobche bhalo bondhu mantam amar partner er agey tai kono deen tomay kichu lukoi ni .. jodi karokhy ek dristi te ek fota bhalo o lege thake eshe boltam .. tumi bolle "roj roj u come up with a girl and say i like her" ... i mean what did u just say ?? like her mane ki ei je i want to marry her ?? naki ami roj roj tader sthy baaje kichu kore ashtam !!! trust hoytoh kothao tumi amay koro ni bhebe chile i am unhappy about you !!! eram kichui naa tumi amar chile amar acho ar amar i thakbe ... tomar case a hoytoh may be hoytoh ami palte jabo .. but thats not an issue ..

Jodi kono deen somoy pao ar chup chap mon a koro tahole dekhbe hoytoh eta ke bhalo bhby bacha no jeto ar kono expectation chara ekta shundor nirmom bhalobashar relation a porinito kora jeto jodi tumi chaite ..
Kin2 tumi akdom decide kore felecho je amar mukh dekhbe naa untill destiny makes u see me !! eta bhebe fete jai bhitor a  .. bhabi ki kore eram bhabche .. tao nijeke boli char ar ki bolbi ar ki ba korbi .. bhikka theke arambho kore amar didi obdhi tomay "I am Begging you" boleche amra sobai tomar samne matha nichu korechi .. tao tumi bole gacho  " Na my decission will not change " ..

Ekta manush ke jor kore bhalo bashano jae naa .. eishob jeneo eto prarthona jodi tumi ektu considerate ho o ... Kin2 naa tumi amar proti ar ek percent consideration anbe naa .. jani naa onek kichu korechi tomar jonoh ei ko bochor a ek jotka diey bhulie diey sudhu bad memories gulo amar proti pushe rakhle..

Jani naa destiny bole kichu hoe kina .. ami chai ekdeen tumi realise koro je i am suffering every moment.. sympathise koro jani.. kin2 sympathise kore dont tell me ok lets give it one more shot !! jodi kono deen nije chao tahole bhebe dekho... jeta tumi chaibe naa amar majhe mjhe mon bole ...

Amay chance dio naa ekta tomar sthy cholar rasta dao .. chance sobdo ta ar use korbo naa kharap lage i did not cheat or hit you .. baad dao akhno hate i koro ..

Manush kichu harie sheta instant poshtae naa pore bojhe ekdeen .. ami instantly poshtechi in a day .. kin2 tumi amay as if physically mere jacho for so long.. i still love you a lot.. and hope taratari amra abar ek hoe jai .. etai amar ek matro prarthona.. amake tumi khoma kore agey ta dekhte thako ..sudhu amar bapar a bad memories gulo hatiey agey ta dakho amra ebar best possible way te thakbo .. jani  bishas koro naa amay ebar ekdom moner bhitorrrrr theke bolchi ..

eshe amay bachao .. ami tomay chara kichu korte parchi naa go .. mithe bole ki labh amar.. chesta korchi kin2 sob a teh fail kore jachi !!! give me a chance to stand up career wise also naa .. charo raag kore jao amar lagbe naa kichu !!! eto baar eto bhobhe bolchi ekbar bhaba toh  durer kotha mon a o ancho naa to get back with me..

amay ar pochondo noy tomar !!! sudhu soubhik ke tar baaje kota jinish er jonoh mon a rakhcho, this is not fair.. ami tomar jonoh ja ja korechi joto joto bhalo jinish korechi shei gulo ki kore muche falo ato easily.. sudhu baaje jinish gulo rekhe 10 bochor newa to understand is not right mimi ...

charo raag korei boshe thako sei 80 years boyesh a meno amay :( :"( 

October 29th 2013 (9:17am)

Goto kaal tomar sathe oi bishoy ta niey sesh barer moto call korlam. Khub kostho hochilo bhebe je yes i was at faults at some points of the relationship, and the harsh words that just flew out of my mind was just too quickly spit out, Eta joto deen jache bujhchi my mind was never under my control..

Sudhu heart ta nijer control a chilo .. tai dakho naa akhno tomay cheyejachi after these long years.. Kostho hoche khub bojhate parbo naa.. abar kaal ekta kharap sopno dekhe fellam.. uthe kadte parlam naa, nijeke strong kore abar chup kore shue rakhlam for the rest of the night.

akhno majhe majhei khub bhoy kore.. jani naa ki kore oi bhoy ta overcome korbo.. this fear might ruin my career.. but its ok i guess shob thik hoe jabe with a few years i wud forget my fears and get back to normal..

Mon er ekta corner a ache je tumi ashbe naa ar , tumi amar theke mukti chao ... With time mayb tomar heart heal kore jabe to marry sum1 else, but bieyer agey mind ta ki state a thakbe jani naa..will i be accepted or rejected ??..
ei ekta question amake tyag korte hbe , i guess i will have to equally stay happy without you ...

Tumi boro ho o , aro strong ho o , nijer modhe je jinish gulo chilo na shei gulo aro develop koro , i am sure bhogban tomay bhalo jinish i debe..

Hmmm tomay chara i amay thaka practice korte hby , i will create my destiny from now on, kin2 chintar modheo tomar opor kichu chapabo naa.. i visualize we would meet again some day but oitukui dekhi ... sedin tumi amay ki uttor debe sheta completely tomar opor...

Hope o kori naa tumi haa bolbe...karon some hopes if failed will take me beyond the point of shatteredness that i am going through right now.. but etai jani khub bhalobashi tomay.. tomar bieyer photo gulo ekdeen roj roj dekhbo ar angul diey tomar chul guloy hath debo.. jani naa tomar pashe ke thakbe ? ami na onno keu ?

jei hok naa keno tumi amar mimi hoe theke jabe amar kache.. ami ki kore majhe mjhe oto rege jetam jani naa.... kheyal kore dekhbe amar raag sudhu tokhn i hoto jokhn tumi taratari bari jabe bolte, aaj dakha korte parbe naa bolte , jokhun aaj fone korte parbe naa bolte , and penultimate raag ta beriegechilo jokhn shunlam chole jacho tumi permanently... Amar shob raag er bishoy chilo tomake naa pawa ... aaj life er ekta last lesson baki tomake chara bina raag kore bina nijer khoti kore tomay bhalo beshe jawa.. Tai hok tahole ..

Nijeo dekhi koto ta bhalo bashi tomay.. sudhu somoy i bolbe ke kake koto ta bhalo bashe ...
Parbo nijeke sustho korte , parbo nijeke nijer lokkho obdhi niey jete ??jani na go...

Tumi khub bhalo ami jani .. amar driro bishas tumi shotik poth ei egiey jabe , jodi tomay naa pai koshto hbe kin2 akhhep thakbe naa ek fota, karon ami prithibir je corner ei thakbo i will know tumi bhalo thakar chesta korcho..

Elam go apato 

October 28th 2013 (9:15am) [ Keno akhno postachi??? ]

Kaal raate ghumiechi kin2 ... baajee sopno ar ghum bhenge jawa ta katlo naa.. shokal a uthe kadte icha korchilo bujhte parchilam naa keno eram onnubhuti hoche...shob i thik kore diecho tao koshto lagche keno.. tumi tomar deadline bole diecho tao koshte buk ta baitha korche golay akta dhok joma hoe..

Jani naa hotat 10 ar 12 er kotha mon a porche...ei duto cruical somoy teo chile naa tumi eventually eka thakte thakte thik hoe gechilam kin2 rise up korte pari ni career wise.. wbjee ir jonoh poreo bhalo korte parlam naa.. sekhane wbjee theke aieee ir week ta sudhu tomar sthy shob thik koreo, golpo koreo oto bhalo rank korlam ... aro better colg a cs it nite partam ... but past is past i dont look back and regret.. i never say issh arektu jodi portam aieee ir jonoh NIT hoejeto baa ECE heritage a peye jetam.. cz amr mentality chilo wen u r with me as my partner m invincible no 1 can defeat me..

10 a jodio amar second passion ta amar sthy chilo cricket.. tao jeno nijeke dhore rakhte partam dukkho holei bat niey chat giey ball pitie ashtam.. 12 e jokhn chile naa khub koshto hoto akta moral booster dorkar chilo tokhn , contact o korechilam bt tumi amar sthy tokhn contact rakhte chao i ni...

Aaj o tomar ektai bhoy amar career take dobachi ami , sheta tumi nisshondheye bolte paro khub ekta unchu te jabo naa ar karon i lost the member of my family je amay inspire korto invicible feel korato... Bhalo laglo dekhe u have become ur own strength kash amio partam.. tumi threat die diecho ar jano tomay ami purono kotha mon a naa korai sudhu bondhu hisabhei thaki.. tai korchi kin2 expectation gulo jano amar shorir er modhe bhore jache.. expectation tht u wud b back soon in next 6 months and i wud really gather my full utmost courage and strength to rise up truly as an individual and make something valuable out of my life...

till then i will drag myslf some how expecting hoyoth darie jabo .. kin2 icha korche naa kichu porte kichu howar chesta korte , khali jano nijeke choto lagche nijeke bolte icha korche je zeal ta eshe gache kin2 execution plan ta set korte parchi naa... Tomar promise  ta jeno amar life a ekta mercedes ene dilo kin2 tomar presence as a supporting partner ta jano oi garitar petrol .. setai nei ar .. jani naa mercesdes ta dhakka die koto ta niey jawa jabe..

Bhalo lage tomar strength ta dekhe tumi onek strong seta agei bujhtam jokhn tumul jhamelar poreo tumi nimeshe normal hoe jete dekhe khub bhalo lagto bujhtam khub strong tumi...kash oi ta amar mdheo thakto tahole hoytoh tomar shift korar khobor ta shune aro strongly nijeke dhore rakhte partam...

Nijeke khub strong lagche ato deen tumi chole gacho tao bhenge jai ni akhno oto tai bhalobaschi tomay .. Kin2 khub beshi strong hoa tao bhalo naa.. mentality te strength dorkar pore ar manushik jaega tae altoh ekta support lage tobei akta manush ashol unotti korte pare ..

Aro ekta soptha eshe galo songe niey elo hajar ekta chinta ar joma dhukkho.. !!!
Jani naa ei bhby koto deen gari take dhakka die egote parbo ...

Tomar ekhon time dorkar nao joto iche nao .. tarpor decide korbe tumi ami thik kina koto ta ghure darate parlam kina jibone tarpor amar kache ashbe.. eram kono clause chilo naa agey .. jodi prothom deen theke bolte toke kin2 onek boro hote hobe tobei ami biey korbo , tahole first year theke ekta huge zeal thakto to succeed veryyyyyyy big in life... tumi je raag ta ekbar a prokash korcho sheta jodi ashte ashte ektu ektu kore prothom deen theke dakhate tahole aaj tomar sathey onek beshi adjusting hoe jetam...

Ei ekbar a sarajiboner amar porti joma raag ta ber kora ta thik holo kina sheta tumi i jano..
amra chele ra personal life and professional life take alada kore rakhte pari naa .. tomader moto..
amader kache dutoi jeno intersect kore  eke opor ke .. where as tomader kono intersection area i pore naa duto set er mdhy..

Behind every sucessfull man there is a woman akta probad ache ... i guess keu bole naa behind every sucessful man there is a freind !!! jani naa tumi aghat peyecho time nio nijeke saranor jonoh... but amar jonoh kono prayer koro naa , lokhnath baba dadua sobai ke ami roj bolchi amar condition ta amar modhe ki jache.. so i guess tomar ekta wish korata kichu sae debe naa.. tumi ekbar bolbe saradin a ar ami saradin i tader sathe kotha bole jachi... obviously amar kotha ta beshi shunbe..

Jani naa jokhn kaal bole dilam puro puri amay chere de amay kichu deen suffer korte de nijeke then kichu bhby nijer moto toiri kore nebo tumi bolle naa rise up to full strength !!! petrol chara mercesdes niey ki bhby full speed a chotabo ... haa ami immatured kichu jaegay kin2 tumi immatured onek jaegay...

kiram jano mon a hoche ekta favour kore dile ekta ashas diey !!! ami thank u o bollam !!! jani naa mon theke thank u ta eshechilo kina.. karon amar kache tokhn ektai chinta chilo ke decide korbe m deserving kina ???.. 7 billion population a girl to boy ratio ta bhari odbhut.. every 1 girl there are around 9 guys ... !!

So technically speaking m not competeing with myself but with 9 other boys .. sekhane i have no gurantee that i can win .. Jani naa ashte ashte nijeke eka i lagche.. with time aro lagbe karon ami jani with time tumio nijeke shorie nebe.. akhon hoytoh momentarily ekta dhakka diey dile jate gari ta theme naa jae...

Kintu ki jano toh gari theme thaka ta ek i jinish .. tumi kichu ta thele dile sheta giey abar ekta jaegay stagnant hoe jabe .. Raag hoche naa khali etai mon a hoche eram keno korcho bhikka cheyechi jeta amar baba maa kono deen sekhai ni , fatie fatie constant kedechi last onek deen jeta karor i baba maa chae naa ... ghum khawa prae tyag kore dichi which is absolutely ridiculous..

Kash tomar moto ekta remote thakto amar life a channel change ba tv off kore ditam jokhn chaitam abar on kore ditam abar jokhn chaitam .. tahole hoytoh tomar motoi akdom normally kaaj korte partam !!

charo all the best for your exams on the 31st bhalo kore poro am there when ever u need me ... etai amar nature jei amar sthy jai koruk naa keno tar jono korte ami second thght debo naa ... Souvik puro school a amar baba maa didi niey jatah bolechilo yet college life a eshe je bhby perechilam korechilam oor jonoh .. eta ke bokami ba self respect er obhab bolbe.. ami kin2 manbo naa ami mon a kori protek muhurto manush ke ekta second chance dae to chnge themselves so we should fall to help the ones in need at all points of time in any way as we can...

charo tumi khub busy tumi khub rege tumi tomar deserving character khujbe ... ami jodi 6 foot lomba ambanir chele o hotam naa tomake ato tai bhalobashtam aar nijeke shob somoy choto i bhabtam tomar theke..

Amar bhalobashay raag obhiman aro onek jinish chilo kin2 tumi eta ke ar sojho korte parle naa .. Ami ashi bujhle i am preparing myself to be alone karon 1:9 ratio te am sure u will find ur dream man ... 9 ta chele pabe technically speaking .. 1 chole jak  so what 8 ta chele aro pabe to choose from so why limit ur self to me only ..am sure oi 8 jon er mdhy ekjon tomar ideal match hoe jabe..

Elam go another lonely day in a loners world..  bhalo theko asusually aro unnoti koro karon tumi jano how to manage and differentiate ur personal life and professional life .. kash ami partam ..

October 27th 2013... (9:56 pm)

Ato kichur por abar iche korchilo abar sopno dekhbo... beche kichu ekta kore nitam.. Kin2 abar sei tumi amay dhore nile.. Hoytoh tomay bhul bujhechilam kaal ke .. Kin2 ki jano jotoi bhul bujhe thaki naa keno i sufferance i went through that 5 hours only i know... onek deen ghumoi ni ghumole raate achomka uthe pori .. bichana te katrai ar tomay chole jete dekhi .. majhe majhe ei besh thanda teo i get cold sweats at night...

Tomay chara jibon expect korinaa... jani tumi eta bujhbe naa ar.. Kin2 aaj tomar blind promise ta mene abar normal life lead kortam.. aaj jodi naa dhorte hoytoh spiritual kono ekta line a dhuke jetam after my btech... Jani naa aaj shokal tried to meditate .. besh bhalo meditation holo khub ekta chinta ashi ni .. was monitoring my breath for 1.30 hrs...ekta odbhut calmness eshe gechilo ... I felt a lot of happiness in m and decided to leave the tormented bruised understnding btwn us and meditate as frequent as i can from now.. Onek kichu realisation o holo meditation a giey...

300 breaths monitor kora chokh bondho kore without no thghts is a achivement agey 5 minute chup kore boshe thakte partam naa 1.30 hrs was an achivement.. jani bishas korbe naa bt exact 300 th count sesh holo ar message ashar ring elo baaje tokhn 11:36 am... khule dekhlm.. when i opened my eye i told myslf ar naa ei bhby poshte labh nei she is not even feeling a thing.. she sleeps , she eats , she studies , she has friends , she has her responsibilities.. She doesnt even care tht u r breaking .. she just wants  u to rise up and move on so that it makes it easier for her to even move on in life.. So tomay bole dilam amar icha ta at 11:45 am..

Tokhon dekhlam tumi likhle i misunderstood u .. i was in a mood to settle down without you a single life... then jano toh tumi amar weakness du min baade again i went mad.. and things followed .. i was not in my normal senses wen i was talking.. the tormented mind took over... Bodo tortured condition a chilo amar matha ta...

but onek paglamo korar por jani naa tumi ekta promise korle...  3:41 pm OCTOBER 2013 , u said "i will" arektu clear hote bollam so u said , "WAIT TILL THE TIME YOU REVIVE" (3:42 pm)... Jano naa ki khusi holam .. plus tumi amay bondhu hisabeo rakhbe bolle till i stand.. 3: 4 1 pm .... ulto le ki hoy 1 4 3  ...

Shotti  u gave me a reason to aim sky high only for u .. ekta secret energy pachi frm ur presnce.. sobar sathy bhalo bhby kotha bolchi .. hete hete berochi.. Even  i m luving the change in me..

Aaj ke onek relaxed achi... focus tao eshe gache mon  a hoche... icha korche kichu ekta boro kore korte hby .. dekhbe heror moto kore ashbo tomay nite... :) :') :")

Merc ba bmw chara ashboi naa !!! berobo armani suit pore.. neme propose kore debo.. jaega tao imagine kore niey chi south city mall a dhokar okhane ...Trust me eto boro hoe ashbo ar ato addor a rakhbo tomar kono deen kono complaint hbe naa.. 2015 november a ashbo .. tht year i will make ur b'day verrry special...

Fairytale dekhchi akhon .. oi sopno gulo fullfill kortei hby , till then have work my ass off !!!!
aaj asha kori ghumobo .. jodi unless abar rege tege giey block naa kore dao.. :P

Thank u for promising me.. i m blindly beliving ur words .. jodi tokhn chere dao jani naa ki hbe...But akhn toh ar oishb bhebe labh nei onek khat te hbe lets c ki hoy...

Ektai kotha tomar gae kata dilo  " I am reserved for the who deserves me " ... dakho hote pare ami ektu baaje kin2 m capable haa.. i desrve u .. acha may be not yet.. Kin2 hoe  jachhi .. ar ektu routine a anlei life ta i will deserve u ...

Etar mane ei noytoh i dont desrve u .. and sumbdy else does.. jodi eram hoy jani tumi ekdeen bujhbe soubhik kiram pagol chilo tomar jonoh.. tomar jonoh sarajibn pagol er moto shob kichu korlo aar jodi sedin chere chole jao .. tahole opor olar kache giey hisebh kore nio..

i am trying dakho .. second a second a jodi ato bodlai tahole bhabo toh ko ek mash er mdhy amartoh sen , ba bill gates naa hoe jai  :").. i luv u :)

tomar khub kharap lagto naa tomay naki ami patta di naa.. ebar eshe tomay urie niey jabo... Sobar samne rastay propose korbo ... aro strong hoe nichi jate tokhn kole o tulte pari...

Tomar Barir lokeder samne buk fulie jete parbo ebar :) :)

Just dekhte thako ki bhby deen a deen a boro hoe uthi as a person in terms of career JUST FOR U M.R !!! ;)

October 27th 2013, 9:47 am

1:44 am 27th october arekta unexpected turn in my life, hotat mon a holo stabbed hoe gelam amongst my happiness, oi message tar 5 min age obdhi o nachilam ato khusi chilam .. maa ke giey jorie kol a tulenieychilam.. thakur er oi ashon tar samne fridger pashe giey 5 minute dhore amar happiness ta prokash kore chilam... Hotat shob change hoe galo...

Aaj kaal ar beshi expect korina choto choto jinish amae boddo khusi kore dae je...sei happiness tao ar roilo naa... i guess happiness has become an emotion in my life that is becoming my enemy day by day...

Raag hoi ni jokhn tumi bole dile "Ds is my last msg to u , Bye...", tomar maa er proti amar oi tuku kortobo chilo je ami janie di "shob thik hoche akhn" ... bhebe chilam hoytoh unio tension a achen ... bhule gechilam amar ar kono presence nei ...

jokhon onake fone kore kedechilam tokhn onar koshto ta bujhe bhebechilam aste aste thik hole i wud let her knw ami thik achi akhn..Sorry eta hoytoh tumi onno chokhe nile... sorry ta jor kore bollam kintu...

I had to repent for my happiness all night long.. ei feeling ta bujhbe naa.. another sleepless thoughtfull night it was.. Nijeke eram koshte dekhini jibone.. Khusi hole je setar sasti pete hoy jantam naa.. eram sasti je keu dite pare bhebeo dekhi ni amar 8125 days of being in this planet..

Koshto mane otti nimno level er koshto holo .. akta handicapped lok ke hath a kore tule dar korie khusi die take porer moment a dhakka mere fele dile chure.. ei feeling ta bujhbe naa..being dumped for being happy is a pain that i never incurred in my entire life.

I hate my smile, i hate my gathered innocence , i hate my gathered simplicity  , i hate my happiness !!!

smile and happiness are a dream of the past now , rest of my entire remaining life i will be scared to smile , scared to be happy ... Happiness in my life can be so shortlived eta kono deen o bhabi ni.. and trust me the happiness u say is shortlived in your life is better than what i went through yesterday !!!

I have never felt so low 3:21 am to 8:20 am was the worst 5 hours of my entire life ...

akbar o keu pashe eshe darai ni oi 5 hours.. khali nijer proti hate aschilo !! hate aschilo eta bhebe keno bhalobeshechilam shob limit bhenge.. keno sopno dekhechilam shb boundary perie..

Tumi akhno bujhte paro naa ke kiram ... amar feelings take oi 5 hours dhore stab kore gacho... 5 hours !!! that is 300 minutes or 18000 seconds dhore i felt u were satbing my heart constantly blow after blow it pleaded to be left because it had already died kintu ekbaro bole naa jaah moore jah i killed u .. hate thakle mere felajae .. kin2 eram 5 hours dhore constantly stab kore jawa is cold blooded... bhabi ni ato ta hatred jome ache tomar amar proti !!!

Kin2 5 hours of that tormenting pain er poreo wen my heart was lying with gaping wound  and mutilated beyond a point of recognition, chena jachilo naa that it was the place which stored so muchhh feelings and emotions for u .. kin2 afterall this repeated gaping wounds .. my heart still said yes madhumanti i m glad u stabbed me .. u have the full authority of it, kothao jano eto bochor dhore tomar sthy thakte thakte tomake full charge diey dieychilam to do anything with it u want to.. its last words were love u beyond a horizon of death  ...

i was not afraid of dying for u ever... wen i meant jaan diey debo i literally meant it ... dakh amay .. look at me now i have no emotions left in me to weep , i have no confidence in me to see, i have to wish in me to revived...

Jani naa i guess these wounds will take an eternity to heal ... My family still owns a part of it.. mayb thts what is making me breathe... sekhaneo hoytoh tor jaega ache !!! karon akhno ato kichu oti krom korar poreo jani naa hw am i still loving u like this... U were a miracle woman ... shotti jibone a bhabi ni i can love sum1 to this extent.. hoytoh sei jonnoi mukh theke berie jeto luv u infinite luv u till the end of time.. infinite obdhi bhaba jae naa tai i hoytoh bujhi ni eto ta extent a bhalobashi...

i am going through the toughest and the most painfull day of my entire life.. bhenge jachi naa.. kin2 i have no more tears left in my tear glands to weep, jokhn joto tuku chokher jol toiri hoche setao amar control charai berie chole jache...

Baba boltoh mathar gham ar chokher jol fala jae naa... aaj baba ke jigasa korte icha korche baba chokh er jol sesh hoe gele ki hoy go.. ba chokh er jol nijer theke gorie porche keno .. hoytoh baba bolte parto , kintu he is my father ofcourse he created me through his exsistence.. tai giey bolte parlam naa ar .. karon shunle baba buk ta hoytoh fete jeto...

maa amar ato close hoe o baba ke bolte icha hochilo hoytoh baba choto theke ato struggle dekheche bole.. bole o bollam naa bhablam ami chele hoy aaj baba ke jorie eta jigasa korte pari kin2 baba o choto bela thek onek struggle o ekta bhanga rltn er mdhy diey o gache tokhn tar baba o chilo naa ektu jorie chokh er jol ta muchie dewar jonoh..

aaj baba prothom bar ato bochor baade mon a holo ami tomar sthy keno comparssion kortam tumi amar theke onek beshi strong ...tomar ei bhabna tao ashte pari ni je giey baba ba maaer kache bhenge jai...

Tomar situation ta aj bujhe gae kanta die uthlo ... tumi amar theke onek boro maap er manush aaj bujhlam.. Jibon a shob hara hoe o nijer rokter lok roe jae tomar pashe tarao chilo naa... Tomake je strength er chokhe dekhtam sei strngth ta aro magnify hoe galo .. hotat jano ekta piprer moto lagche ekta porbot er tolay darie..

Baba tomar oi duto word amay aaj o amar sopne majhy majhy eshe dhakka dae jokhn harie jai ... "GO AHEAD"   ...

samne jani naa ki ache baba amar ar dristi shokti nei dakhar kintu tomar opor ogad bishas amar blindly pachil diey hat te bolleo tai korbo...

Baba oke ato bhalobesheo ato keno koshto pelam.. kano jano liveless akta body lagche.. kono onubhuti asche naa ar shorir a.. tao baba oke ene dao naa go .. jani baba tumi bokbe amay shunle ki bhby fupie fupie kedechi deen er por deen raat er por raat til til kore kostho peyechi tao bolbo  BABA EK BAR OKE ENE DAO NAA SARAJIBONER MOTO...

akhn ami uthi ar mon korle chokh diey rokto porbe je ki bhby suffer korchi... tomar jonoh aaj rokto tao jol bhebe muche nebo.. tumi bhalo thako tumi sukhe thako..

tomar pashe ami sorboda achi .. ar thakbo.. tomar pashe amar ekta invisible presence thak .. ar amar chera fete jawa hridoy jure tomar bhalobasha roilo  akhno ..

Khusir jonoh sasti ek nirmom sasti ..oloukik sasti .. a emon ak sasti jar kono sima nei.. eta sima heen sasti.. karon jibon  a ami er por joto bar i khusi hote jabo songey songey koshte fete jabo.. ato sastir poreo aaj tomay boli ekta kotha ami akhno tomay oto tai bhalo bashi ..baa aro beshi bhalo bashi..

Aaj tumi here gele.. worldly pains er jonoh tumi amay emon ek sasti dile jetar kono sima nei .. ekta unending curse diey dile for this life.. Tao i emerged as the victor after an effect of brutal curse m still loving u .. sekhane tumi amay kichu sobdo ar worldly matter er jonoh bhalobasha chere dile..

I won today .. aaj ami jite gechi karon i proved my love for you extended beyond any boundaries tai dakho even an unending curse is not letting me stop loving u... bolbo naa tumi harale kichu karon amar chokh a tumi harte paro naa kin2 etai bolbo tumi bujhbe kono ek jonme ei koshto ta..

akhon apatoto ei tukui likchi pore abar asbo....

October 26th 2:45 - 9:42 pm (chapter 6)

Aaj tomar sthy abar ekta blind conversation hoe onek ta bhalo lagche... onek ta obhiman hoechilo kaal ker ekta choto misunderstanding niey...

Bujhechi amay kota ki ..ebong ki bhby korte hby... baki ta somoy i bolbe... Tomar jonoh ami nijeke abar scratch theke toiri korchi... ar hope korchi time will mend it all... Aj tomar gola ta atokhun shune jeno amrito paan korlam...

ekta new life er asha korchi bhobisote... sei new life tao tomay ghire..
Follow your dreams follow ur passion ... yes u being my dream i will follow u and will win your heart some day...

tar agey nijeke aro chnge kori as a better person career tao aste aste banai... Tomar kotha bhebe ato ta korte jachi kin2 bhoy kore jodi naa asho ar... Destiny is prewritten its not Rewritten... amar kin2 onno rokom mon a hoy... aaj ker basis a amar kaal ta toiri ..jemon otit er basis a aaj ta toiri hoe che.. so hw can it b prewritten ???

Jani naa bt eituku jani i follow to your heart someday...

9:42 pm - ami ar ei bhby parchi naa.. 2 ghontay 4 te message er mistake ta niey i m repenting for over 200 + hours !!!
Ami ar parchina.. i need some sleep kota oshudh nite hby ...

10:13 pm- feeling much better now.. thanks for the help... i am not use to ur absence pagol hoe jachilam ..
ebar ekta uthe ghure daranor icha asche.. by god start hoe gache

October 25th 2013... (Chapter 5)

Aaj hoytoh jani naa sesh barer moto tomar sthy kotha holo telephone a... Khub memorable thakbe ei deen ta.. oct 25th 2013 7:49 pm ...  raag,obhiman,kostho,anondo ei sob onubhuti i holo aaj ker deen tae

Kichu mon a koro naa first ei bole di tomar call ta ami record kore rekhechi ... it will b a boost for me wen i bog down... Khub expect korchilam arekta chance debe... ami tomar maa ke kono deen i choto kori ni eta agey clear koredi amar raag hoto sudhu eta niey je tini keno akhno achen .. jani karon ta kano, tao pagla Lover chilam toh amar mathay bhalobasha chara ar kono kichu  mathay dhukto naa ..jhamelar cheye eka thaka better eta mani... Love er comparsion a kono sacrifice hoy naa eta amar shob somoy kar bishas..

jai hok tomar last call tar uttor ta ami agey thekei jantam.. karon tomake ami chini ..tumi konodeen o ei bhby stern and strict hoe jao naa, tai jono i sree maa er ashram lokhnath babar mondir gechilam .. jonme porikha ba onno kichur jono matha thekate jai naa .. ekta miracle dakhabe bhebei gechilam .. holo naa i guess life a kichu somoy ashe jeta proman kore dae... Sopno ar bastobh er modhe prochur tofat...

Tumi amar ekta unending sopno i roe gele.. tumi amar chokhe borabor i perfect chile kin2 as usual tomar khetro ta elei over perfect korar chestay lege jetam.. tumi baaje bole naa karon tomake ami aro shundor ebong knowledgeable kore tulte cheyechilam karon tomake nijer bhabtam.. hoytoh kichu jinish ache je gulo nijer Woman ke ekdom i bolte nei... Kin2 tumi amar woman er ageo amar best friend chile.. tai tomake kichu bolar agey bhabtam naa je sheta shune tumi offend hoe jabe..

bolbo naa amay hariey bhul korle baa kichu .. tomay harie jemon ami kichu sikhbo temon amay harie tumio
kichu sikhbe.. Taali ek hath a baaje naa eta ekta probad ache..

3.5 yrs dhore prae roj jalie chi dakha korbi aajke?? , call korbo ?? tomake eto tai chaitam, eta keno bujhle naa go... onno keu eram paglami tante parbe ?? i doubt...  tomar paa er pata teo kiss kortam mon a ache (:P) karon sundorjo mane amar kache tumi i chile...

9:57am oct 26th 2013:

Obhiman hochilo boddo .. keno tumi amay ekhane thakte charle naa... hoytoh aro time petam nijeke bujhe change kore niey nijer life ta notun bhby start korar... Tomar sthy onek jhogra korechi kin2 back of the mind shob somoy tomar kache submissive hoe thaktam.. eta amar body language diey bojhai ni karon bhabtam jodi tomay amar weakness ta dekhie di tahole hoytoh chole jabe ...

mayb eta bhul korechilam... mjhy mjhy icha korto tomar sthy hat te berobo, star cinemay movie dekhbo , 10 takar phucka khabo , bus a auto te travel korbo... Kin2 nijeke boltam naa korish naa eishob jodi o toke incapable bhebe nae tahole toh toke cherei debe for sure.. tai gari , bike , power , money eishb dakhatam..

Amader thakar sorteo amay maa boro korechilo khub olpo diey ebong tatei bhalo chilam.. hotat colg a eshe joto futani barlo .. maa boltoh naa akhn boro hoechis dujon a sukhe achis ne toder jaa lagbe ei deen gulor jonoi ato bachie rakhtam... bhabtam hoytoh it will make u feel secured..eta ekta immatured thought may be..but tomake harabo eta iche korto naa bhabte..

bhebe dekho jodi amar soti hat te prblm thakto sedin dukhho peye bagbazar theke cc obdhi hete jete partam tomake meet korbo bole ..eta onek deen ager ghotona jodio bhule gacho hoytoh (3rd sem).
Akhn bhabi joto ta complex hoe bhabtam tar theke sohoj bhobei ato chinta chara tomar sthy thakte partam..

Dujoner Long walks gulo ar holo naa .. choto choto jinish gulo ar holo naa.. ram mandir a bike a kore fuchka kheye elam kin2 barir samner fuchka ola tar kache ar jawa holo naa.. tomar bhlobasha ta khub sohoj sorol chilo unlike me , amar sob somoy jinish potro ke bodo Jotil kore bhaba sobhab hoe gechilo... boddo nijeke superior dekhie felechilam .. oto tao superior amra noi.. amrao boddo moddho bitto ghorer.. kin2 baire thekei joto glamour dakhatam bhabtam hoytoh tomar bhalo lagbe secured lagbe..

Jibon a kono jinish niey beshi tension korle sheta bheste jae baba boltoh..kono jinish nie i beshi chinta kortam naa sudhu tomake harabo ei tension ta mathar pichone choltoh.. aaj babar kotha ta fole galo...

ami ato lavish bhby shob lead kortam karon amar ucho akhanka o onek beshi chilo .. boddo beshi beshi bhabtam nijer future niey..bhul eta simplicity is the best policy to maintain a relation eta tomar theke sikhlam...
oi simplicity ta jodi agey ashto aaj amra koto simple bhby relation khub sukh niey thaktam

tomar onek ichei dabie rakhtam pore korbo pore korbo bhebe sei gulo ar holo naa.. tomar iche gulo o amon kichui chilo naa je dabanor moto.. tomar pochonder cinema ba phucka ba ektu chup chap tomar hath dhore hatle kichui eshe jeto naa kin2 sekhaneo nijer icha folie chi..

bhable koshto hoy boddo ..last kichu deen jaah suffer korechi hoytoh life a bhulbo naa... kaal keo ghumai ni .. 2 ghonta matro chokh laglo.. aaj ekbar doctor er kache jabo , ghum er oshudh nite .. asha kori thik kore ghumole kichu deen shorir ta abar regain hobe...

As far as manushik dik ta.. eta jani naa go amader babar diker family tei ache depression a chole jawa.. ami jonmor por babar ekta phase gechilo eram .. 6 mash pore chilo baba kaal bollo onek kichu jano naa suicide o attempt kore chilam , Didir o same phase gechilo class 8 a depression er chole a fabulous student lost her academics later depression er oshudh er side effects er boshe a hath er kota nerve o chole jae..
Agey bhabtam ami oder theke onek strong amar eram kichu hby naa kono deen.. kin2 torsu bujhlam amar o ei phase ta eshegache.. kin2 kaal sara raat nijeke bojhalam .. tumi ar asbeo naa amar life a hoytoh aar tomar kichu eshe jache naa ami ki condition diey jachhi tumi tomar kaaj tomar jed ar tomar iche take praddhanno dicho, tahole amar bhenge giey ki hbe.. kaal 9 ta tei last time hoytoh tomar jonoh chokher jol felchi .. jani naa jodio abar bhenge jabo kina... akhn ar jol pore naa chokh diey gola ta bhar hoe thake jeno onek koshto onek bhalo basha ar onek sopno atke roe che.. dhok gile porishkar kore ni..

Dekhe bhalo laglo je tumi confidently bolte parle ami jaah amar akhn chap nei temon , chap thakuk ki naa thakuk tui amar kache otit toke ar ami mon a korte chai naa.. tomar gola diey ei kotha ta jeno ekta 4 foot er sword pete dhuke jawar moto holo ..

Jodi amar bhalo chaite onek agey onek kichu naa sohojo korei chere dite parte destiny ir opor chere..Tomar shob highs lows a chilam , haa hoytoh tar modheo paglamor boshe onek jhogra korechi kin2 pash a chilam mon a kore dekho... Jedin tumi chakri pele ami tomay bolechilam mon a ache I am soooo proud of u baby.. mon theke eshechilo ota :) :) maa ke jorie bolechilam maa takka dao anu chakri peye gache.. maa heshe bollo haa ebar toh anu o debe toke hath khorcha joto deen naa darachis.. eta moja korebolechilo kin2 eta abar tumi onno bhby nio naa..

Tumi je ato practical jantam naa, kaal tomar golar awaj shune bujhlam tumi khub practical hoe gacho bhalo laglo... u got accustomed to pain tai normal hoe gacho... kin2 akta jinish bhebo u dint get accustomed to the pain tomar kaaj tomar notun life ta tomar kichu chotto gha gulo te molum dieche... u r lucky u have so much to do around u ..

tomake onekei choto bela theke bujhie gache amay onek agei chere chole jawar jonoh ..time dakhalo tomay tara koto ta actor chilo .. jodi tomay keu ek percent er jono o influence kore thake takeo tumi chinbe deen furai ni... Ami khub raag i chilam kin2 tomay jee jaaaaan diey bhalo beshe chi...

Kaal amay bolle toke ami mithe ashas debo naa je i will wait for u bt jodi destiny chae tai hbe... Etar mane tumi abar bhalobashbe .. bhalobashar ar ek dorja kholar jonoh toiri korcho nijeke hoytoh .. bhalo ..

amar ektai dorja chilo seta bondho mane ar kichu khulbe naa karor jonoh kono deen... nijeke joto ta likeable achi aro banabo kin2 kono deen karor sthy jabo naa karon my feelings are alwys completely for u .. i wont regain it ever again.. jodi tomar kache ato sotto thekeo tumi amay ei bhby fele die chole gele .. tahole jibon a keu amay parbe naa bujhte...

maa aaj shokal a (26th oct) eshe kotha bolchilo amar sthy .. bollo ami eta expect korini anu ke bolbo bt bolechilo tumi oke ato mano keno manbe naa o poth a chole ashbe.. maa er boddo koshto hoeche chokh a jol dekhlam.. tomake maaf kore dieche kin2 mante parche naa eram cruical time a chere dile maa bollo eita agey dorkar chilo jedin tui oke didir ghore oi bhby kadiechili....maa bollo ami mon a mon a bhabchilam anu ke giey boli tumi oke chere dao tumi akhno oor nijer naa amrai oor raag sohojo korte parina tumi keno korcho...

Kin2 ekta ogad bishas eshe gechilo maa er je tumi amar pashe thakbe at extreme low points of my entire life...thik jei bhby maa baba ke tene tulechilo 1991 a ... maa ektai advice dilo amay raag ta char etar jono toke sobai chere chole jabe ekdeen ..

Maa thik i boleche tomar i moto ... ami aaj goto kichu deen theke nijeke change kore jachi sorboda.. ei muhurte dariey ami nijeke onek ta control kore nieychi ... ashte ashte uthchi as a person kin2 ar oi bhby sucess pabo naa.. my sucess was alwys you ..

October 25th 2013.. chapter 4..12:10 pm (Ei muhurte)

wbjee ir deen ki holo ota ek deen ono ekta chapter a bolbo ... akhn ektu mon ta beshi kharap lagche tai onno kichu likhchi..

Amar raag dominance was alwys unhealthy for our relation... kin2 mathay tomay harie felbo ei kotha ta  kheye feltoh .. ami tomar sathe joto jhamela korechi tar che onekkkk beshi bhalobeshechilam eta tumio jano..

ha hoytoh bhul chilo raag prokash kora ta.. kin2 ami tomar kache ato safe ar dependent feel kortam je kono deen mon a hoi ni raag dakhale ek deen chere diey chole jab... Akhon ar raag ashe naa karon akhn ami ar tomar opor dependent naa , amar last ko ek deen life er worst days gache.. shob ure gechilo matha theke sudhu ami amar bhul ar je jinish gulo tomay bolte parini ba je jinish gulo korte pari ni ei gulo niey deen keteche..

Khub koshto pachi jano kintu ami nijeke kono bhby nijeke control kore nichi karon ami jani tumi khusi acho.. kintu amar shorir amar mon nijeke control korte parche naa.. era kintu amar kono kotha shunche naa..

Amio tomari moto manush , kintu tomar ar amar mdhy ekta farak ache.. U have responsibilities and a place to vent out ur thghts.. ur thghts now surround ur work tomar ar amar oshtitto niey bhabar time nei ato busy rekhecho nijeke... ami kintu chaileo nijke busy korte parbo naa tomake jei jinish gulobolte parini ba je jinish gulo korte pari ni sei gulo niey i pore thakchi ...

Bolbe time tokeo palte debe .. haa time amay palte debe kaaj niey baistho hoe jabo..kintu ki bolo toh unconsiously shob kaaj kora jae naa.. amr excellence amar shear effrorts ws along with ur presence...

Behind every sucessfull man there is alwys a woman , eta asha korechi shunechis... Bt i think broken people have a slow paced life .. somoy akhn koto slow hoe gache jano naa ..

amar shorir tae aste aste bish chorie jache eta second a second a feel korte parchi ... bish ta self hatred...
nijer self respect tyag kore diechilam tomay ekta selfrespct er against a kotha bolechilam bole..

kintu aste aste setao gain back korchi..m happy for myslf now.. and the suffer tht m going thrgh ... eka lage nijeke ... raag er bosh a tomay onek kotha shunie chi mani kintu eta mante pari naa eto bhalo basha o je diechilam shetar bosh a last ekbaro manle naa tumi...

raag hoe nijer opor bhabi je tomake tomar moto chere debo kintu ekta bacha bhitor thke bole oke ene dao naa... oi bacha ta hoytoh ar beche thakbe naa beshi deen ..

tokhon amio arekta chalta firta dead body hoe jabo ei dead world tae .. aaj puro prtithbi te ato oshanti ei karon ei karor karor jonoh bhabar time nei.. sobai morar moto ghure baray... amio aste aste oram i hoe jabo..

prithibi te shob shastir return ache mani... kintu evry punishment has a time trail .. amr kono bhool hoi ni excptng hoytoh tomay majhe majhe bodo misunderstnd kortam ar raag prokash kore feltam kothay kothay .. majhy majhy granted hisabh a nie o niechilam ..kintu tomay excessive bhalo o beshechi eta ki kore bhule jao... ha flirt o korechi kintu kono deen tomay cheat korar kotha bhabio ni ... jokhn karokhy bhalo legechilo tomay eshe boltam janish oke naa besh bhalo legeche amar.. tumi eta ke puro onno chokhe dekhecho..

tumi bhabte tomar modhe ki komti ache bole like korchi .. shono liking ar bhalo basha is a different thing kono deen bujhbe nijeo.. amar maa sri sri ravishankar ke uncondtionally like kore karon tar mane ei naa shey amar baba ke chere tar kache giey shonyash niey nebe..

tomar modhe jodi komti dekhtam tahole hoytoh aaj ato suffer kortam naa.. tomake ami borabor perfect hishabei menechi haa hoytoh boltam eram kor naa oram kor naa .. karon tomake eto bhalobastam over perfectionist hoe jetam majhy majhy ..

shob somoy bujhtam tumi onek bindings a acho .. tokhn nijer over perfection ta komie ditam ..  tomar khusi tomar kotha tai agey bhebechi amar bhalo bashar ageo .. aajo bhabi sara jibon bhabbo.. aaj ami nijeke ekta kotha bolei tule ni je tumi khusi acho .. nijer icha nei uthe daranor karon i ws equally happy with ur thghts and memories but nijeke dhore ni karon ami jani tumi kono deen kothao theke amar khobor pabe and i dont want u to think tht u were the reasons for my downfall.. ekta kotha janbe tomake ami akhno strength hishabe mani tai akhno tomar kotha gulo kaan a bhase.. ami ghure darabo hoytoh ko ek bochor lagbe.. ki bolotoh ami ato tai attchd chilam tomar kache berie conciously kaaj korte time lagbe.. chinta koro naa hoytoh engineering er sesh bochor ta ektu kharap jabe .. canada o hbe naa hoytoh.. kintu ekta kotha meno manush er destiny paltay naa jodi darano kopal a thake ak deen nischoi ghure darabo..

kintu akhn tomar hangover ta niey thakte chai .. majh mjhy unconciously duniya take observe koro dekhbe koto simple hoe jae life ta.. amake ato dure pathie dile je tomake mon er kotha gulo o bole uthte parlam naa..

jani move on kore gacho tumi .. akta notun start niey nieycho life a mane lebu ta kheyeniecho dekhbe tomar nesha ta kete jabe taratari ..  tumi khusi hoe egie jao etai amar last wish ...onek deen baade abar bhalobesho ar bhalobasha peye o ..

hoytoh pagol er moto bhalo basha ta bhul .. kintu bujhi ni go sense a theke bhalo bashte hoy else sheta thake naa... tomake jokhn dekhtam naa senseless hoe jetam mathay jai choltoh erase hoe jeto..
dakho bhul er boshe hoyoth tomar self respect onek bar hurt korechi onek kothao shunie chi kintu
kintu i guess amar moto tomay hardly keu bhalobashte parbe.. then again i might be wrong hoytoh m being self centred..

kintu ki jano toh hoytoh u will find sum1 in ur life in future je tomay hu bahu understnd korbe kintu amar moto bhalo bashte parbe naa .. eto ta bhalo bashtam nijer mathay jai cholto bole ditam je eke bhalo laglo dekhe baa rege mathay jai ashto bole feltam... this was because of my crystal clear love for you...

amar dictionary te jano toh move on bole kichu nei .. get used to the absence bolte pari ami.. kintu jibon a ar kauke kono deen chokh tule dekhteo parbo naa tomake chara.. karor jonoh naa .. na baba na maa na keu ..
tomay jokhon ato ta sahosh kore ato ta bhalobeshe chi i will get used to ur absence.. but ono kauke kono deen dekhte parbo naa..

khub icha kore ar ekbar jodi tumi eshe jao hoytoh je truti gulo kore felechilam excssv bhalo beshe sei gulo chnge kore nebo.. truti mane kothao understanding er obhab hoe gechilo .. loke bole late realization is good .. kintu hoytoh beshi late hoe jetam..

ami bhabi ni hotat kore tumi oto boro ekta step niey nebe .. sob mota muti thik i hoe gechilo tumi jawar por .. kin2 ei geographic location ta hoytoh distance barie diechilo.. pujoy ekhane thakle tokhn tomakei protek deen time ditam  like evry pujas.. amar kolkatay last pujo bhebechilam bole beriegiechilam.. eta ke tumi ono chokhe nile je ami furti korte chole gechi .. eram kichui naa.. tomar kotha shob somoy i mathay choltoh .. rege ekta kotha bollam bole tar result ta ato ta violent outcome hobe bhabi ni ..

hoytoh eka acho bole amar oi kotha gulo oto ta gae legegechilo .. amar kotha ta amplify hoe gechilo jano toh thik jeram mike a kotha bolle speaker diey oto jore shonay ... ar amplification ta hoe chilo amader  geogrphc distnce tar jonoh kolkata to kochi is around 2300 kms so kotha ta 2300 times harsh shunie chilo..

amar last pujoi holo bote next year theke october ele gae kata debe.. prithbir shob prante bangalira  tader srestho pujo manabe ar ami fear psychosis a katbe... but i will remind myslf  of the lovely pujas tht we celebrated together..

october 24th 2013 7:35 pm.. chapter 2.( The bad phase)

maa  babar jhamela tokhn tunge ... rehersal porikha tokhun .. jatah bhby ekdeen baba ke jhere dhaka die dilam ... porer deen history porikha .. sara shokal dupur dhore nicher floor a eka aktke rekhechilam ... (tokhno purono baritei thaki)

baba bikele eshe knock korlo dorja khule baba ke dekhe chokh a jol chole elo .. babar chokh tao dekhlam jol a bhorti .. prothom bar amar markutte baba take eram obsthay dekhi ami bhenge jai .. baba bollo cholo amar sthy ..ami obhiman kore boli naa jabo naa ar kaal porikhao debo naa.. baba bollo thik ache akhn cholo amar sthy .. ami ar baba gari niey berie gelam oi 50 min er ride frm shymbzr to ruby ws dead silent..

khub koshto hochilo eta bhebe je kano tomra lorai koro haa ?? dujonei toh pashe chile naa jokhn teenage tae boro hochilam akhn keno prem dakhacho .. chotobelay oto bhalobashte hotat second college reunion por theke kano ato jhamela korcho.. mon  a mon a ei shb bole gelam .. baba ruby te neme ki shob kaaj kore elo lawyer er sthy ami garir pashei ghora ghuri korlam .. okhan theke fancy market gelam .. tarpor bari firlam 10 tae.. baba bollo mind fresh hoeche .. ebar giey shue poro kaal jaah hbe hbe chinta koro naa.. tension a ami 10 theke sararaat history ta pore porer deen giey xam dilam .. pass kore gechilam otai halka nombor er jonoh...

amar dukkho tokhn tunge ek dik a ekta osthai career (cricket) er chinta onno dik a baba maar jhamelar chinta.. ar ek dik a tumi .. kin2 jano toh tokhn ami bhebei niechilam ato jhamela dekhe je ami relationship a jabo naa ar... karon ami tomar sthy oi bhby jhamela korte parbo naa ... bacha hole jaah hoe jaa baba maa ke dekhtam bhabtam oram i hoytoh amar stheo hbe..

ei somoy ta tomar o khub kharp jachilo hoytoh .. bole uthte pari ni go..amio besh chapa chilam ..
tumio barite jhamela dkhte kin2 hoytoh tomar outlook ta amar theke boro chilo tumi eta bhab te naa jaa maa baba korche oram tumi o korbe future .. tumi sudhu sundor bhby cheye gacho amay kono future naa bhebe.. etai tomar sobche boro gun .. :) :)

ami present a thakte pari naa eta ekta amar jatah shobhab .. shob somoy future niey bhabi insecured hoe jai ar present take noshto kori...

ICSE Literature porikhar ager deen baba maake puro hatha hathi korte dekhi ... sedin i baba maa bollo tader divorce hobe... ami ar didi eke opor ke jorie kadte thaki onek raat obdhi ... majh raat theke porte boshi ..kichu bhby oi xam ta di...

jai hok baba amay niey chole galo eta tokhn bolechilo maa er sthy theko naa kichu hby naa tomar so after icse took me to bokaro for my plus 2's... majhy tomay ek deen dekhechilam i guess jedin pass certificate nite gechilam kin2 kichu bole uthte parini .. due to my fear.. amio chapa chilam kintu baire theke rock solid appearance rakhtam...karon amar crickt er pscyology sudhu etai boltoh je nijer weakness ta dakhabe na sudhu dominate kore jao matha a neme.. eta amar personal life a apply korate otibo nongra fol dilo ato bochor a ..thak se shb pore bolbo..

haa jekhane a chilam 11 a bokaro ws a tuff time.. baba amay akta khub bhalo school a interview jogar kore dilo st.xaviers ... got thrgh the xam and intervw , sekhane pora kalin ami cbse te porar icha prokash kore feli.. tokhn baba dhanbad a kv te kono xam chara source diey bhorti kore dae... tar por theke amar jibon chng hote thake baba roj raat a amay dhomkatoh .. ojotha raag dakhato .. eka lagto nijeke bodo..

ami ar nite parchilam naa baba kaaj er raag ba hoytoh tar nijer personal lifer kichu raag amar opor tulchilo ... tomar kotha mon ashto raat a baranday jokhn daratam... koshto hoto tokhn tomar frnd tripornor sthy kotha hoy .. ami abar pran a bhoy niey ete egiey ashi .. amar bhoy sudhu eita tei chilo abar kache jabo abar biched ghotbe kono deen amader mdhy ...

tomar sthy bokaro theke raat a sms kori ... ar bhalo lagchilo naa kotha shunte tokhn abar tumi amar pashe eshe darale... nijeke sokto kore bollam baba ami concentrate korte parchi naa kolkatay giey kv te porte chai .. baba bole keno ami bole di maa ke miss porte parbo naa  tai .. baba onek oshantir por pathie dae amay...  actually amar tomake akbar dakhar chilo .. ami jantam tomake akbar dekhle ato koshto gulo family nie kete jabe.. tomake abar dakha kori pujor somoy shob shundor kore thik hoe .. kin2 barir obstha khub kharap chilo notun bari te asr por theke sara deen maa ignore korto as if amra unwanted children.. maa er o hoytoh raag hoto .. maa deen a deen a ugro hoe jachilo .. babar sthe often fone a jhamela korto doubt korto .. insecurity i guess... kin2 etao bujhchilam baba kichu ekta serious korechilo .. sudhu college life er prem er jonoh oram kichu hote pare naa.. mitali aunty ir sthy kichu serious hoe gachilo i guess..

barir situation gulo amay oshombhb ugro abong usrinkhol kore dae.. didi ke ko ek bar mereo diey chilam choto issues a ...  mon er raag ta onno bhby berochilo bujhchilam kin2 nijeke sodhrate parchilam naa... sobai amake avoid korto barite... raag ta tomar opor eo bar kori .. dominate kore rakhbo nijer kache eta ekta ushrinkhol chinta chilo.. jeneo abar tomar sthy misbehave korlam .. abar biched holo

1.5 yrs tumi chile naa .. tomake cheyejetam ar kichu bondhu ke amar raag er durbolota niey boltam ..
obshese abar bhoy katiey tomake sms korlam ek deen raate.. tumi tokhn khub rege chile ..

ar tomar raag ta akdom i lanchonio naa.. keu ato bar boka boka karon a keno jabe ar ferot asbei baa keno.. mithe bolbo naa amar o raag hoechilo bhablm toke dorkar tui keno bujhli naa !!! thik ache ashis naa i can survive on my own..

ananya amar bhalo bondhu hoe jae last 6 months .. khub kotha hoy .. kotha bole majhy majhy ami halka hotam oor kache.. kin2 oke tomar jaega ta dewar kotha mathae ashi ni...

Amar ato kharp somoy jachilo school a i guess tumi jano naa roj amay koto ta insult korto school a tar karon o anger displcmnt issues eta obosho amar anger er kotha bolchi naa eta amar class tchr amar opor angr displcmnt er kotha bolchi, amar baba ektu ugro hoe mam er sthy ekdeen kotha bolechilo bole oi 1.5 yrs in kv 1 kolkata ws like hell ... kichu pora shuno kortam naa ..

cbse holo toh holo oitobo kharap holo sudhu chemistry paper ta bhalo hoechilo tar karon tar ager xam ta physcs chilo oi paper ta complete korini tai nxt 5 days i read chemistry day and night and eventually scored good only in tht particular subjct only...

amr kano jani naa mon  a hochilo aftr cbse ananya ke amar bola uchit tht mayb i m developing a liking on her... ami jinish take abar bhoy er jonoh ektu pichie dilam bhablam WBJEE er theke eshe i will say her ..

ekhane sesh korchi karon next incident gulo will b there in the next chapters of my life...

October 24,2013 5:30 pm ... chapter 1. ( the start in short )

Ei ti amar jiboner ek shundor smirtir collection akhon uthe darachi ashte ashte kin2 je kotha gulo tomay bolar chilo sei gulo hoytoh tomay ar bole uthte parlam naa... tai ekhane likhchi..


Bhalobasha kake bole ami hoytoh chini ni aaj obdhi, tai tomar bhalobasha tar extent ta bujhte pari ni .. Tumi joto tar theke digun shundor tomar mon ta.. amar mathay tokhun priyanka choprar bhoot,deen onek ager ghotona eishob tokhun ekti bod mejaji utsrinkhol chele bolei porchiti petam sobar kaach theke.. bari teo je khub bhalo chokhe amay dekhto taa naa , ek matro chele  feleo dewa jae naa .. prithibi te eneche jokhn tader kortobo onujai tara amar bod mejaj abong utsrinkholota ta manno kore nae..

Tokhun boddo ekka lagto .. mon a hoto keu nei jano pashe .. bondhu chilo kin2 bondhutter tan ta petam naa... tokhon tumio khub koshte bachhile bondhutte gadari , tomar feelings er opoman abong aro onek ups and downs diey jachile tokhon ... Ei moner obsthan o ghotona suttre amader bondhutto hoy.. tumi ar ami ... se ek ajob bondhuttor taan gore othe ...

deen onek kota katlo bondhuttor sima perote laglo ... kin2 sheta bujheo ami chup kore roi pache tomar moto ek shundor bondhu ami harai.. bondhu tomay ami amar shob koshto bolte thaki ar tumi return a amay inspire korte thako ... hotat kiram prothom bar nijeke bhalo onubhob korlam er agey obdhi ami nijeke bokhe jawa bhebe nieychilam..

tomar mon e je tokhon oto ta koshto chilo bujhi ni go, tai tomay bhul bujhe nitam bhabtam keno open up kore kotha bole naa.. tao nijeke atka te parlam naa obosheshe bhebei nilam tomay bole debo je tomake ami onno nojor a dekhchi.. tokhon o  nijeke atke roilam ebong bojhalam er consequence ta oti bo kharap hote pare ebong amar ekti matro crush o shob che bhalo bondhu ti ke harate pari..

nijeke dhore roilam.. november 2005 thekei tomay jeno bhalo beshe feli ... Kinto bhalo basha ki jinish tokhno kono gyan chilo naa.. hoytoh tokhun bhabtam jake kono deen harate chao naa takei bhalo basha bole... exams er somoy tomay boleo di je amar mon a bondhutto ta onno jaegay chole jache.. kin2 tomar koshto ta bujhi je tumi amay harate chao naa as a frnd atlst.. tomar bhoy chilo hoytoh tumi amay hariey felbe jinishta jodi ono kichu te convert hoe jae..

obosheshe tomar bapar ta niey amay alochonay boshtei holo tokhun mon a hoy 2006 er jan er shurur dik choleche .. somik ke akdin ami khule bollam sedin dupur a oo amar baritei chilo.. date ta hoytoh exact mon a nei kinto joto dur mon a pore   15 th ki 16th january .. somik ke ami bole uthi je tomay ami hoytoh kono deen o harate chai naa ebong tomar companionship amay deen a deen a aro confidence diey choleche ..den a deen a aro capable mon a hoche.. somik shob shune amay poramorsho dilo jate giey ami bole di ... ami time chai ar boli dara time ele nijei bolbo ... kin2 seh jeno kiram ekta odbhut bhoy ..

tokhun baba bole je amra hoytoh canada shift kore jete pari du ek bochor a ... shune amar khusi naa hoey ektai kotha mon a elo madhumantir ki hbe ???

kotha ta eshe tomay janai.. tomar mukh chokh dekhe bujhe jai koto ta kharap legechilo tomar kotha ta shune.. toto tai kharap lage joto ta amr hoechilo ... nijeke atke ni tomay bola theke  je tomay hoytoh ami bhalo baschi.. somik o nijer life tokhn onek down die jachilo nehar sutre... oboshese somik amay bole je tui naa bol ami giey bole dichi ok ?? sedin bus a tumi amay tomar kashmir er trip er chobi gulo dakhachile.. onek mon a bol niey bhablam naa ar naa ebar bolei dewa uchit...

ko ek deen baade deen ti chilo 17th feb 2006  friday chilo joto dur mon a pore 8:30 pm ami tomay fone kore bole dite jai.. somik du bar tokhn fone kore dieche amay je bolbi naa ami bole debo..sedin shokal theke ato tension hochilo as if final xam ache aaj bikele ar ami kichu prepared noi .. boron final xam dewar ageo oto tension kori ni .. obosheshe joto dur mon a pore 8:55 tokhn .. tomay fone kore prothom a bahana marte thaki .. geogrphy map pointing niey... obshese chot joldi kore amar feelings ta janie di .. bhabi hoytoh tomar extremely kharap legeche..

tarpor tumi haa korle sombar .. tarpor oi 172 days tomay ami prothom bar as a girl friend pai.. ashte ashte kiram jeno bondhutto ta pore jete thaklo ar complications ashte thaklo .. karon tao chilam ami i jodio .. tokhon nijeke qstn kori arey tumi keno reciprocate koro naa tomar bhalo basha ta...

obujer moto kaaj chilo eta.. tokhun boddo choto chilam jano .. bujhte partam naa tomar nijer mdhy oneeeeek emotionals turmoil cholche ebong tokhn tomar bondhutto ta dorkar chilo ... 8th aug 2006 bole dilam tomay hoytoh bhul korchi amra amader thaka uchit naa...

tokhun tomar chokhe prothom bar amar proti je bhalobasha ta chilo sheta dekhte pai jodio tomar mukh die ono kichu beroy tumi bolo je " Bolechilam toke eta agey".. onno mongol bar gulo tumi takate amar dike .. sedin ghure takaleo naa .. bujhe gelam tomar obhiman ta.. tar porer deen rakhi chilo ami jantam tumi badbe naa amay .. ar bhaggo bhalo badh o ni ... ki jeno bolechile ekta heshe jokhn bollam kire badhbi naa ??

jai hok tarpor obsho thik hoe gechilo shob ... ari chokhe dakha sei .. bus er gaan gulo .. " bheegi bheegi raton mein" .. uff ki deen chilo sei shob bacha chilam jodio kintu oram feeling first time aschilo mon er mdhy .. er modhy amra ekdeen bus theke neme bhijeo ashi joto dur mon a ache eta ei somoy ta tei ...

tarpor result berolo jokhun amar kopal a hath .... bhablam oto anonda tai hoytoh amay divert kore diche..ki boka boka chilam tokhn..13th september tomay bole di je eta ar possible naa... PROTHOM BAR i luv u bolle ufffff deen ta just fab chilo.. kin2 mathay result er chinta ta amay boka gadha banie dilo ... ami bhebei rekhechilam tomay ami akhno bhalo bashi kin2 ektu time dao amay..

tarpor khela dhulo  porashuno shob niey khub busy hoe pori ... khelte nam tam jokhn .. ko ek deen net a tomar naam kore batting a nami.. ek deen obosho shunno kore out hoe jai.. kin2 more or less portek bar i tomar naam kore batting a namle bhaloi tene ditam..tokhono kin2 tomay bhalobashi kin2 tomay ar oi bhby disturb korini ...

sei somoy ta hoytoh tumi amay bhul bujhe jachile nije nije.. ato boka chilam ekbar bhabi o ni jeta ke ami diturb bhabchi sheta tomar kache ekta tension hoe darache... somik amay bojhay je shob thik kore ne kin2 ekta lojja kaaj kore nijer mdhy je keno tomake koshto debo ar because nijeke tokhno bhalobashtam naa.. sudhu sopno niey bachtam kin2 sei sopne tumio chile kin2 bhoy lagto tomay bolte sheta...

amar ekta odbhut sopno chilo jano .. tomay ami national television a khub boro ekta crickter hoe propose korbo sedin ar lojja thakbe naa tomay bolte .. karon ami established hoe jabo ar tomar sob dukkho muche nebo.. ei shob bacha bacha chinta bhabna diey deen kat toh...

ponchumi te sei bochor prothom bar bhablam jodi cricketer naa hote pari tokhon ??? somik ke call kore bollam ami shob mitie nite chai... thik o hoe galo ..pujo ta bhaloi katlo amar...

Kin2 tomay school reopen howar por dekhe bhoy peye gelam bhablam ki korchi ami oke noshto korchi .. she desrves sum1 bttr than me... eta ageo bolechilam jodio .. sedin somik ke bolechilam amar bhoy er bapare ...

somik hith a biporit kore tulte chailo bapar ta niey .. think twice before u get back .. ami bollam dakh bhoy lagche ... sahosh kore abar tomar sathe shob clear korlam.. bhablam tomake eka amar bhoy gulo niey bolbo kin2 i guess tumi bolechile je tumi amay eka meet korte parbe naa .. ba eram i kichu ekta..

bhoy take chepe roilam.. childrns day er deen DON dakhar por amra sobai khete gelam alishan a... kheye deye tumi egie porle ..

tarpor arekta notun bochor chole elo ... bhoy amr sei ak i rokom roegalo ... tomake sei august theke priyanka chopra ke khepatam mon a ache.. oma dekhi tumi orkut a priyankar chobi lagiecho.. tarpor orkut a tomar sthy majhy sajhy dakha hoto..school toh ami kono deen a jetam naa .. tao tene tune tomay khub dekhte icha korle chole jetam .. ar jedin gulo jetam naa sei deen gulo chat a bat ball ar computer games niey katiey ditam..

tarpor amar mon a pore amader bondhutter er taan ta bhalo bashar modheo chilo ...
ekdeen result er por tomay khub dprssd dekhi ato koshto hoy ki bolbo..
sedin tomake ami nijer chokh die chenai koto ta shundor tumi ar tumi jeram nijeke baaje bhabo oram tumi noy ...tomar sei shune hashi ta khub chapa chilo thik i .. kin2 bujhechilam kichu ta bojh halka korte perechi..

tarpor barite jhamela shuru holo amader o biched holo .. ami ar ei rltnshp jinish take mante parlam naa mon a holo baba maa eram korche amro toh eram hbe .. baba maa ke keu chup korao ..pore ghata ghati kore jante pari babar colg lifer purono kono affair niey ei shb hoche .. ato kharap lage amar ami bishon utsrikhol hoe pori .. maa ke baba ke kauke naa mene chup chap nijer moto life lead korte thaki .. tokhun abar tomay ami sorie rakhlam .. karon ta nischit chilo je ami bhalo basha mani naa ar mante chai o naa... Bhalo bashar definiton ta amar kache tokhn khub bacha bacha chilo ... onek pore giey bhalo bashata ki ashte ashte bujhte sikhi jaak seta ar ekta notun chapter a bolbo aaj ei obdhi i thak ...