Hope november 6th 2013 11:17 am

U r one fantastic person i know , U r THE MOST beautiful person  i ever met, Beauty doesnt mean a beautiful attire or the way one carries herself beauty means to touch some ones life like a stream of water washing away the beast in some one else...

Your presence made me invincible but ur absence is making me realise how small i was, and the way of expressing my love towards you was a worldly disguise where as expressing love is a universal emotion that has a completely different way of approach.. an approach that binds two souls till the end of time..

I always knew i love you more than anything else in this planet but how can i express it was a thing that frustrated me , my thoughts were to never to loose a sight of you  so i fought to meet all days.. my thoughts of hearing your voice and making you hear mine was a way for our souls to communicate all the time hence i use to fight to talk to you for hours at the end of the day.. When i heard we will be away for years to come my innerself cried like a baby and reacted like an infants anger and complaints... though all these are perhaps not a way to express love.. but it sure  tried mean madhu i love you a lot amay chere jash naa please... perhaps your self respect took it in a wrong way... the smile in my face when i used to clasp you in my arms or when i use gaze or catch a glimpse of you when you would agree to meet was much more beautiful than my childish rage and my book of complaints...Doesnt this mean my love for you was sublime ??

when i gave you my soul i did mean it when i said "its yours till the end of time" ... "i want you in all my lives"... You were the anchor in my life amidst the stormy ocean .... your presence clasped me from drowning in this harsh worldly ocean ...

I hope your anger and rage collapses with time and our souls where ever we are in this planets unites... now i have realised you dont need to be clasped in each others arms to be together , you dont need to meet everyday to feel love  and you dont need to talk to make the souls communicate.. you just need a loving heart to seal a person amidst their absence in reality... I have no doubts that i have sealed you in my heart...
I just want to see if u sealed me in yours ...

Truth is when "the mind stops ... time stops .. " i am stuck in that time when you were with me and our love for each other sprayed all colours in each others life.. I now just live to hope.. and hope to dream.. and hope to be with you..

My childish affection and platonitcity for you has subsided like a boiling fluid.. and my love for you has thickened , it is now ready as you always desired , it is like you always imagined...

My heavy heart still beats for you to say "yes ss you are the one".. "you are mine".. My teary eyes has dried leaving hoards of hopes for us to unite..

Can you Ask permission from your innerself just to see me once more ??? dont compromise your choice for if you dont want to see the changes in me... i would still be holding on to you forever... bt the ageing mind says notice me for i am getting old with seconds passing by .. seconds for now is like years to a healthy mind.. for my mind it is ageing beyond its youth .. searching for you in all it percieves...

My heart :-
~ u r in the breath i take ..
u r in the dream i make...

ur the crutch that i need..
ur the hope that i seed..

see me now for i might die..
the weary mind lives to cry..

live for you with a thought
in the end all will sought

without you i will not lie
love you till the day i die ~

come to me and bless my life for i will live till i die.. since the day u left i have started counting the days till i last live ..

i want to live till i die.. not die till the last day i live... but if you can live without me happily all your life i will die till i live with some peace..

see me once amdist your fear.. it will bring me somewhat near..

Christina perry ~ "Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

November 1st 2013... (somporko)

Kichu somporko hoy shob kichur urdhe shob kichur opor a.. its called a match made in heavens... tumi amr kache oram i chile..jodio ami tomar kache oram kichui chilam naa..amake ke niey just goto 3.5 bochor tumi just obessed chile... aaj ar sei object ta roilo kina kono matter kore na.. sei pagol prem ta tomar kache akta just relationship chilo which didnt work out.. jodi eto deen tomar moto kore thaktam jani naa taholeo hoytoh chere dite.. kin2 ki jano flawless bole kichu hoy naa tateo kichu flaw nischoi pete...

Amar tomar proti je bhalobasha ta chilo it was mad.. it was intense .. it was divine.. tomar mdhy ami amar ishwar take dekhtam.. tomar mdhy ami ekta maa dekhtam.. tomar mdhy ami amar jiboner shb sukh khuje petam... ato bhalobasha tar ar justification roilo naa.. jibon a first nije kobe gari chailechi first kobe baba chokher jol muchie diechilo.. first kobe ekta darun cricket a performance die chilam .. shob muche gechilo tomar prem a pore... tomay niey ato sukh khuje peyechilam jibon er baki shob smriti baki shob onnonto dukho bhule gechilam...

I feel like a non living object finished with the purpose of love and affection.. ar kichu nei nijer mdhy khali ekta bacha ke kadte dekhi ... akta bacha je uthe daranor agei tar maa take chere dieychole galo..

Jodi tumi amar nijer rokter keu hote hoytoh ei bhby chere jete parte naa... aaj dariey tumi somaj er scale a amay mappo .. somaj er dristibhongi diey amay judge koro... kintu kichu jinish somaj kaaj family self respect dignity liking shob kichur urdhe jae sei infinite scale diey tomay mappi ami...

Ato deen a tomar onek kacher lok amay onek kichu boleche.. tomar bondhura tomar maa .. tomar didi sobai onek bhbg bokeche.. ar tomar bondhura toh amay jatah bole che.. ami gae makhi naa oishob karon amar bhalobasha sudhu tomay niey.. eta ke tomar somaj bole self respect heen manush.. ami boli eta selfless heen  bhalobasha.. dutor mdhy akash patal tofat...

Tumi ashte ashte boro hocho nijer thik bhul ta bichar korte sikhcho .. kintu tomar samajik chokhe jeta bhul lagche sheta ki adeo bhul?? pagoler Bhalobashar ki kono daam nei.. tumio o somaj er moto amay pagol bole outcast kore dile bole dile jaah asylum a giey thak ota tor best jaega... kin2 behind every madness there is a cause of deep emotions.. a cause of deep love..

Nijer maan soman ar baki shob kichu tyag kore diechilam hoytoh relation a thaka kalin jodi amar ghore amay stab kore dite hashte hashtei chokh bujhe nitam... aaj ei bhby torture kore amay marar dorkar chilo naa.. akhn jeno mon a hoy shotti pagol chilam hoytoh oi kota bochor ekta sopno chilo ekta bishhhhaaallll boro sopno chilo jeta kono drugs newar por dekhchilam...

Reality te aaj firlam.. tumi konodeen i nijer feelings er jonoh kichu koro ni tumi hoytoh just amar haa te haa milie chile amar bhoy...ami sala pagol bhabtam hoytoh tumi bhalobeshe haa te haa mela te... sopno and reality hoche duto opposite jinish...
Reality te tumi kono deen i amay bhalobasho ni amar sopne mona hoto jeno tomar kache prem mane ami i...

Bhalobasha ki jinish kash training ba porikha dewa jeto marks ta dekhtam koto pai.. eto bhalo kore bhalobeshe aaj ei deen dekhchi... seconds jokhn years er moto kore kate tokhn bojhajae koto ta feeling chilo... jokhn seconds miliseconds er moto taratari kate tar mane sei feelings er ar kono daam nei...

Amay majhy mjhy eshe ekjon bole janish o tor jonoh pray kkrechilo kaal.. ami hashi ar take boli jaah giey dekhie de amar chobi ta.. ki obosthay achi.. sheo heshe etai bole sala tui i pagol o dkehteo chae naa tui kisher mdhy achis.. o o nijer bhul take niey sheta destiny ir lekha bole dite chae...

Tumi aram se life lead koro go.. hebby uthe darao... jibon a eksecond er jonoh amar kono memories ba sufferings er ktha bhebo naa bujhle ... ami ar beshi kotha barachi naa apatoto.. jei bhby suffer korchi kkrte dao!!! Bhalobeshona jokhn tokhn bhebe ki labh... je bhalobashe shey kisher mdhy diey jache!!!

October 31st 2013 5:50pm (jed)

Ami jani naa wbjee ir sthy hw cn u compare the future.. 9 10 11 ws really kiddish otar por it can be said baki ta destiny will decide... bt last 3.5 years was an intense relationship jeta te ojoshro bhalobasha chilo etake ei obsthay chere hw can U leave the future to destiny this is not done!!! Tumi amar opor ato ta rege je amar bapar a bhalo kichu bhabtei chao naa eta ekta jed dhore rekhecho... eta ki thik??

Sob jaegay prblms hoy jano kin2 no prblms are big enough if there is a magical word in btween "LOVE"... ei jed tae tomar strength barche kin2 opor dik er manush ta emotionless akta body hoe jache .. shey ato ta bhalobashe bole ato suffer  korche..

Ei level er relation erpor hw cn u leave it to destiny.. bhebe crushed lagche amar... matha gorom kore i said sumthng shetar jonoh eram bhby crucify koro na ...reltion a ele hoy toh happy hbe naa bt with time i wll make u ths happiest person in the world .. ei muhurte ekbar chokh bondho kore haa bole dao last time .. it wll make me.. please for the sake of true love.. i m not a liar i realllly reallllly luv u a lot...

Tumi time chao to get stronger akta kotha ki jano strong hote hote amon ekta point asbe where ami thaki ki thakina sheta tomar kache ar matter i korbe naa.. ei reltionship ta ar matter i korbe naa tomar kache.. tumi shei pothei hatcho.. our reltionship had a WE factor in it.. we were an unit.. jeta jar mon a ashto bole ditam because amar mon a jai ashto sheta tomake naa bolle hw cn i say je amader mdhy ekta WE factor chilo...

Amar raag jodi reltion take teto kore thake tahole tomar jed ta reltion take sesh kore diche ... kono jinish sesh kora uchit naa go.. bhalobeshe thakle teto bhab ta eibar change kore dewar sujog dite.. jai bolo naa keno tumi tomar decissions niey felecho u want to forget everything about me with time... just dekhte chao ami uthe darachi tarpor ar amar identity tao mone rakhbe naa... uthe ami daraboi with time ... so chinta koro naa u can safely leave without a worry..

Nijer sweet side ta totally cut off kore diecho karon u have already slayed me mane amay kete felecho alrdy... ami jani ar ferot eleo ar sweet side ta anbe naa jai korbo bhabe ami acting korchi tomar samne ar amar kono kichu nei.. ei porjae giey eram ekta abrupt end hobe bhabi ni.. bhebe dakhar chestao korini.. i lived my life as new day came ... tomar hoytoh onek deen thekei chilo mathay amay chara chinta noytoh ei bhby ekdeen a keu nijer sweet side ta ek secnd a chng kore nite pare naa... akbar bhalobeshe thakle agey theke bole dite soubhik amay aste aste jete de am not into u ar... love u re still m still mad for u..

agey thekei tomar iche chilo chole jawar kin2 jete bhoy pete karon jante ki level er attached ami ar ki bhby bhenge jabo tai jao ni...bhabte eibar last time observe kore ni jodi bhalo thakte pari... kono decission ek second a ashe naa eitar pichone onek deen er chinta thake jano..  etar jonoi bolo uthe dara this is not how i wanted to see you..tomar ekta kotha aaj first time mathay strike korlo bhalobasha ar bhalo thaka is diffrnt .. bhalobeshe chile no doubt kin2 ekhn tym bhalo thakar tai decide kore nieycho ei dik ta dekhbe naa ... ekbar jodi agey theke bolte ar ei relation ta posache naa re.. bhalo hoto go...

Jano toh maa maai thake tar mane ei naa je maake niey bhebe jete hby.. etar mane ki ami maa ke granted hishab a nichi?? Its just tht kichu jinish er proti chokh bondho kore bhorsa thakle u knw it wll b there forever... and amader mdhy kar WE factor tar jonoh tomay mon a kichu elei bole ditam cz i feel amar mon tae tumi acho.. tai hoytoh bole feltam janish oi meyetar chul bhalo laglo chul strt korabi... its not tht i want to end up with tht person bhul bhby nile...

Tomar proti amar paglamo ta oshim chilo kono shima heen.. tai just beche achi.. kin2 kono manush ke paglamo diey dhore rakha jae naa.. my luv fr u ws in one word is mad... sympathy ir jonoh akhno block korte parcho naa je bhenge jabo na go bhenge jabo naa.. bhalobasha thakle shob thik kore newa jae.. with time u forget and move in life.. akhn u want to forget evrythng bout us and move on in life.. soubhik ke muche felte parbe naa kono deen bt with time soubhik ke chara bhalo thakte sikhe jabe eta ekhn tomar ankhanka.. i respect ur decission to leave me and go also to empathise on soubhik and be there as a friend to make him stand up.. u r my emotion and source of dependency tai contact rakhte bolechi emon noy to supprt me till i stand.. protek deen oi duto chat a i feel yes she is there hoytoh ebar bolbe lets end ths fight and live peacefully for ever..

9 10 11 er por destiny ir opor a chara jae .. kin2 last 3.5 yrs er por i dont think destiny ir opor amader future chara jae.. with the time u want u just want to see if you can live happily without soubhik..  ar ami jani tumi bhalothakbe amay bhule jabe with time.. destiny ir hath a oi jinish ta chara jae jeta ei muhurte tumi bhule jete chao.. tai koro bhalo theko without me.. amay chance ar somoy dile tomar unhappiness ta happiness a convert kore ditam go... shb relation ei jhut jhamela baaje kotha thake kin2 oi love factor tar jonoh shb bhule abar kore shuru korar iche ta ashe... u dont love me any more..bt i do and will forever do so.. tomar ar poth katbo naa go cz i cant see you unhappy..

Porashuna kore je gari ghora kore se.. shunecho nischoi etar actuall mane ki jano etar mane kormo koro destiny banao... destiny nije nije toiri hoy naa.. amader dakha hoya ta was a coincidence.. ekta 25 km er sohor a dakha hoe jabe is very common.. bt ekta atooo boro prithibi te abar dakha hbe is a foolish way to b thght of.. jani nijeke aro sokto korcho jate with time tumi nije uthe darie bhalothakte sikhe jao .. ar ami sikhe jai.. tokhn rltn ta roilo ki roilo naa ar matter i korbe naa.. in way u r saying to me.. i dont love u anymore ar asteoo chai naa tr life a.. so darie amay chara thaka sikhe ne beche jabi ..tai toh??

Ekbar jodi bolte amay chara koto deen thakte parish dekhi ? Eta patience er porikha bola jae... ba dekhi ebar relation a giey shotii koto deen nijer change ta dhore rakhte parish ?? Is a way to see adeo jaah bolechi sheta mante pari kina .. kin2 dakha jaak destiny amader ane kina is a way to say uthe dara aste aste nije nijei khusi thaka sikhe jabi amay chara...

Ato deen scope pao ni to call it quits karon jante kolkatay theke eta oshombhob.. aaj dure giey noytoh ek jhotkay u cannot call it quits like this... agey bolte parte go aste aste...

October 31st 2013.. 11:31am (smriti gulo eshe roj dorja te kora nare ar hath pate ar bhenge pore kanna te~ hasnuhanah :"| )

Aaj purono kichu smriti mon a porche... mon a pore sedin ta 2nd sem sei college giey ami boi collect kore bari firei abar tomar sthy dakha korte gechilam.. teen ghonta tumi dariey chile ami by the time poucholam amar obstha oti kharap hoe gechilo hahaha...darate parchilam na thik bhby ... tao kichu sundor time spend kore eshechilam tomar sthy...

14th november 2006 mon a pore amay ar tomay jor kore nachano hochilo dance floor a.. uff ki lojja lagchilo amar...nachte pari naa je..blck with white spots ola jama ta pore chilam lol...

Ek deen dujone bus theke nemebhijechilam onek agey jodio class 9 hby... khub sundor lagchilo tomay ... i miss those days... ami jokhn i bus theke namtam tomar pashe bag ta rekhe chole jetam.. shokal a tomar pashe bosha .. ashar somoy ulto dike bosha .. ar chokhe chokhe kotha bola .. first luv is alwys so sweet naa..

Jedin tumi mirzar maths paper a khub kom number peyechile ami tomay dekhei bujhe gechilam tomar kichu ekta hoeche.. sedin tomar hath ta first time dhorlam.. sei deen ta bhola oshombhob amar pokhhe..

Amader first kiss ar hug sei bristi te cc ir math a... akhn mon elei chokh a jol ashe.. sedin i guess tomar choti chire gechilo ami abar tomay dar korie choti kine anlam...

First year er durga pujoy ami tumi ar shubham beriechilam mon a ache??? Sei ami ar tumi mohamed ali park er siri guloy boshe papri chat .. tarpor fuchka ar cold drinks khelam.. jani tomar mon a ache shob kin2 tumi bhule jete chao shob.. dadua ke bolo tomay shokti dite to forget those 6 yrs shob i shuni ami..

Second year er durga pujo ta disaster kete chilo after my back to back accidents .. ami ar tumi china haus a giey extra order kore kheye bari eshe chilam sedin tomar kole a ghumie gechilam...bhulbo naa sedin ta...amar ditiyo maa tumi..

3rd year pujo cbr a keth mere thakur dakha hahhaa lol.. moja hoechilo besh tai naa..besh onekkkk thakur dekhie chilam sei bar.. ei bar o oram ekta plan chilo mathay ebar last pujo tomay rojjjj thakur dakhte nieh jabo jotoi koshto hok naa keno.. kin2 opor ola onno kichu plan kore rekhechilo i guess...

Tomar sthy first time nalbaan food park a jawa ta mon a pore .. first year tokhn... :) first year saraswati pujo uff ki mishti lagchilo tomay pink salwar tae first a nalbaan food park then ccd lounge then bari...  aaj iche ache lounge tae onek deen baade akbar jabo akai ekta coffee khete... okhan kar coffee pizza sandwitch khete khete sei koto golpo... tomar sei chokh tippe flying kiss dewa ta aaj boddo miss kori go..

First deen gari niey jawa ar bike 4 deen sikhe tomay ante jawa ta was damn scary.. tumi aram se boshechile pichone ami bhoy kapte kapte chalachilam hahaha dakhai ni ek fota tension ta...

Mon a pore rajarhat a sei chand dakha tomar sthy.. ki shundor lagchilo naa chand ta.. khub miss kori oi chand ta ar tomar sthy sei shundor katano kichu muhurto.. sedin icha korchilo tomay ekta kiss kore di oi chand tar niche.. kin2 nijeke atke nilam karon strong dakhate hby je..

Tomay brisitir mdhy hatu gere proposal ta dunlop er kache kolaghat theke ferar somoy will b a memory which i wll cherish thrghout my life.. i propsd u fr marriage.. u said yes.. tarpor je ato kichu ghotbe ws unexpected..

Chat a cricket khela ta mon a pore secnd year a.. hahaha tumi na shotti bat i dhorte paro naa thik kore..kin2 khub sweetly bat korchile... kali pujo secnd yr sei tomar didira ar amra ek sthy baaji fatalam.. :") aaj tarai amay criminal bhabe jei bhby plead korechilam tader kache tarpor theke tara etai bhabe je soubhik chele ta otibo nimno .. tomar didi amay bolechilo tui kichu toh nischoi korechis jeta khub kharap.. bishas koro amader aro baaje jhamela hoechilo kolktay kin2 tokhn ei bhby amay punishment pete hoi ni.. tomar didi ra jokhn amay bollo chokh diey jhor jhor kore jol gorie i jachilo...thik ache tomar jonoh ektu kada ta kichu emon naa..

Bike theke feledieychilam dubar.. ekbar kono rokom a bachie ni tomay.. second bar tao je lagini m happy fr it.. tomake bar open er bairer dik tae 30 ml kinediechilam mon a ache royal stag hahaha khete paro ni amay satate holo last a... tumi maa ar ami mon a ache sharmay ek deen cha khelam debroto da r8 ta niey eshechilo.. tumi sedin second time amar gari chalale.. er agey rajarhat a zen ta sei chalie chile.. maa er samne sei deen ektu chalate gie nervous hoe gechile ektu gola uchu kore kotha bolefelechilam go sorry..tarpor didi ami ar tumi hookah ar pizza khete gechilam.. :)

Arekta jinish amar khub mon a ashe tomay jokhn i kole niey shutam tumi ekta chokh khule khule dekhte .. tomar chokh gulo amar pran chilo..tomar gaal ta toh amar torture er jaega chilo jokhn khusi je bhobhe khusi tippe ditam..

Tomay kole nite hebbby bhari lagto go.. noytoh aro often nitam.. kichu mon a koro naa..akhn amar kache sctr 5 , cc , ccd lounge , sharma, cc ir math gulor sei omullo smiriti gulo roj tane...

Rat gulo akhno ami fone ta kane diey nije nije kotha boli .. odik theke keu uttor dae naa .. kin2 bhitor theke jeno tumi majhy mjhei kotha bole otho..akhn roj sopne meet kori  amra ..jhamela hoy naa ar temon kin2 jokhn tumi chole jao koshto hoy ghum ta bhenge othe.. roj shokal 6 tay chole jao..

Tomar chul achre dewa.. saree thik kore dewa.. top thik kore dewa gulo ato mon a pore naa ki bolbo.. tumi amar princess chile acho ebong sarajibn thakbe..
Bhalo theko ami akhon uthi koshto hoche ektu nijeke ektu samle ni..

Tumi sedin amay bolle jeram wbjee ir deen dakha amader destiny chilo oram abar hote pare future tht day u wll see.. i cnt understnd 9 theke 12 obdhi ki ekon chilo amader mdhy.. oitukur basis a destiny te chara jae.. kin2 last 3.5 bochor er ato gobhir relation er por tumi ki kore future ta destiny ir hath a charte paro..ami ei bishoy tomar sthy kono torko korbo naa karon akhn ar tumi amay patta debe naa kichu bolle bolbe haa tui toh khete pele shute chaibi.. nywys char jeram ekta kothin step nile eto baaje bhby amay crush korar jani naa hoytoh thik i niecho...

Just ei tukui bolbo Boro ho o .. manush ho o.. ar ekta khub bhalo chele ke nijer sami hisabh a beche nio.. ami ar nei tomar ashe pashe tumi nijeke dar koracho.. tumi strong hocho .. ar purono jinish gulo aste aste muche felcho .. bhalo lagche tomar ei roop take.. amar kache akhno tumi the only source of happiness saradin a oi ekta duto txt exchange makes my day.. ar expect korina tumi firbe amar kache.. tumi jate khusi ho o tai koro.. ami achi tomar ontor a .. kin2 icha kore nijer 90% heart ta fire pete.. kin2 ek torfa icha diey kichu hoy naa ei jibon a.. so 10% niey i bachi.. with time i wll b strong with this 10% usage only..  ei bhby suffer kore ekta unknown rastay hat te parchina ar.. just nijeke drag korchi fr the sake of my family... tomar pashe tobu du ek jon pachho jader sthe nijeke milie nite parcho.. amar toh ar keu i nei karor sthei beroi na temon dakha shakat o kom kori.. bari te maa babar sthei jaah ektu time katie ghore eshe boshe pagol hoi...

Ekta jinish tomay bolte pari keu thakbe pashe ekta time a.. akun notun life sobai asusuall pashe ache .. nijer kacher lok der chinte ato bhul korle.. nywys tkcre ami uthi akhn bhalo lagchena go...

October 29th 11:03pm (dadua)

Ei obshthay ki bhbe acho go.. i know u have been there for work.. and m just a nonsense for you akhn... amar tomar independent howa niey kono problem chilo naa go... its just that  tumi toh janoi bhalo prediction ta kore Nitam majhe majhe. Jantam i will be ditched jodi tumi baire jao..charo baad dao bhalo korecho ditch kore.. notun world ta shundor i hbe kaaj frnds pora shb niey besh jom jomat acho.. kin2 ei schedule tar mdhy me as ur husband thakle ki eshe jeto jani naa.. tomake jalatam naa ager moto..

But i guess u have a mindset to inflict as much pain as you can give me all at once... thik ache dao no worries.. kolkatay thakte tomay aro onek kichu bolechi kichu bolo ni.. aaj bolo toto deen tolerate korechi aaj aar chnce debo naa tolerate korbo naa.. kolkatay mukher opor jonme oto bar fone ketecho?? Okhn a giey bujhlam tomar prblm chilo tai korchile oram..amr raag hbe naa oto bar fone katle..ami r ke ekhn bolo just a fucking prick who cannot be tolerated any more...i m like an extra baggage right now in ur life jake boa ta is cumbersome..

Bhogban tumi keno amay oi deen gulo dekhiechile.. shob diey amar bhorsa bhalobasha shob niey ekbare eksthy ekdeen a gurie dile.. long distnce rltn a start ta khub norbore hoy jara ei phase ta accomodate korte pare tara jite jae in the long run.. mimi koek deen ei hath tule surrender kore dilo.. amar aschorjo lage ki kore ..

 Dadua amay nije bole o bhul tao o dekhche naa keno.. bujhche naa keno??oor bhaggo ta nije kharap korche.. oor thik jache naa somoy ei karon a ..

I miss her and want her dadua ene dao naa oke.. khub shundor ekta simple relation rakhbo ene dao naa..keno eram bhobhe nije sesh hoe jachi when she doesnt even care to knw... she wants to move on with life..

For her exams is more important and it should be like that.. but amake ignore kore atlst o pore berie jabe ar jache o.. amar obstha ta nie she is not even bothered.. ekbar accept kore nile thik kore porte partam..o o shanti te pore aro bhalo kortoh.. dujon er i labh hoto.. kin2 shey eka eka i thakte chae.. dakho naa jodi kichu kore dite paro dadua.. amay ei bhby she cant forget!!! Mere falo naa amay please ..

October 29th 2013.. (7:03pm) [obhimaan koshto bedona]

Shono naa akhono rege acho na go.. Raag ta komie nao naa dakho ami palte gechi , akhono ar oto complicated on noi , sohoj sorol hoe gachi... Tumi akhno amar kichu incidents niey ato boro raag banacho...

Amar ekta kotha bhablei raag hoy je tumi amar sudhu baaje incidents gulo mon a rekhecho !!! Bhalo gulo mon e koratei gelei bolo "Dont Remind me of my past".. ato kharap laglo naa bar bar ei jinish ta bujhte , tumi ojotha ato raag korcho , jhut jhamela shob jaega tei hoy important thing is weither the emotional attachment is there or not..?? hoyoth tomar amar proti ar emotions nei .. bhable obak lage.. karon amar jotoi tomar opor raag hok naa keno tomay ami khub bhalobashi..

Amay ato kharap bhabo keno ?? dhakka diecho tate roj sikhchi .. kin2 jani naa tumi ghure takatei chao naa bolo "i cannot complicate this thing any more"... Bishas hoe naa keno jani naa je ar complicate hbe naa, bolo "I dont trust u anymore" koshto ekhane hoy je ami tomay cheat kori ni je trust bhangar golpo asche , yes foul words are also harsh kintu that doesnt decide the the trust factor.. Kin2 ki jano toh nijer sobche close lok er opor i we can take out our anger... tomake nijer shobche close mon a korechi tai ato sasti dicho .. i am totally ok with it...

Amay bolo je "tui amay boddo granted bhobhe nish".. ekabar bhebe dakho how many times in the day do you think about her or your sister or your father .. probably once or twice .. eta keno ??? tahole ki tumio tader granted hisabh a nicho ??

thing is that we become so dependent on some one that we know taratara amader pashe sarakhun ache at all highs and at all lows tai we dont think about them all the time.. eta ke tumi "GRANTED" bolle .. amar kichu bolar nei ar..

Tomake sobche bhalo bondhu mantam amar partner er agey tai kono deen tomay kichu lukoi ni .. jodi karokhy ek dristi te ek fota bhalo o lege thake eshe boltam .. tumi bolle "roj roj u come up with a girl and say i like her" ... i mean what did u just say ?? like her mane ki ei je i want to marry her ?? naki ami roj roj tader sthy baaje kichu kore ashtam !!! trust hoytoh kothao tumi amay koro ni bhebe chile i am unhappy about you !!! eram kichui naa tumi amar chile amar acho ar amar i thakbe ... tomar case a hoytoh may be hoytoh ami palte jabo .. but thats not an issue ..

Jodi kono deen somoy pao ar chup chap mon a koro tahole dekhbe hoytoh eta ke bhalo bhby bacha no jeto ar kono expectation chara ekta shundor nirmom bhalobashar relation a porinito kora jeto jodi tumi chaite ..
Kin2 tumi akdom decide kore felecho je amar mukh dekhbe naa untill destiny makes u see me !! eta bhebe fete jai bhitor a  .. bhabi ki kore eram bhabche .. tao nijeke boli char ar ki bolbi ar ki ba korbi .. bhikka theke arambho kore amar didi obdhi tomay "I am Begging you" boleche amra sobai tomar samne matha nichu korechi .. tao tumi bole gacho  " Na my decission will not change " ..

Ekta manush ke jor kore bhalo bashano jae naa .. eishob jeneo eto prarthona jodi tumi ektu considerate ho o ... Kin2 naa tumi amar proti ar ek percent consideration anbe naa .. jani naa onek kichu korechi tomar jonoh ei ko bochor a ek jotka diey bhulie diey sudhu bad memories gulo amar proti pushe rakhle..

Jani naa destiny bole kichu hoe kina .. ami chai ekdeen tumi realise koro je i am suffering every moment.. sympathise koro jani.. kin2 sympathise kore dont tell me ok lets give it one more shot !! jodi kono deen nije chao tahole bhebe dekho... jeta tumi chaibe naa amar majhe mjhe mon bole ...

Amay chance dio naa ekta tomar sthy cholar rasta dao .. chance sobdo ta ar use korbo naa kharap lage i did not cheat or hit you .. baad dao akhno hate i koro ..

Manush kichu harie sheta instant poshtae naa pore bojhe ekdeen .. ami instantly poshtechi in a day .. kin2 tumi amay as if physically mere jacho for so long.. i still love you a lot.. and hope taratari amra abar ek hoe jai .. etai amar ek matro prarthona.. amake tumi khoma kore agey ta dekhte thako ..sudhu amar bapar a bad memories gulo hatiey agey ta dakho amra ebar best possible way te thakbo .. jani  bishas koro naa amay ebar ekdom moner bhitorrrrr theke bolchi ..

eshe amay bachao .. ami tomay chara kichu korte parchi naa go .. mithe bole ki labh amar.. chesta korchi kin2 sob a teh fail kore jachi !!! give me a chance to stand up career wise also naa .. charo raag kore jao amar lagbe naa kichu !!! eto baar eto bhobhe bolchi ekbar bhaba toh  durer kotha mon a o ancho naa to get back with me..

amay ar pochondo noy tomar !!! sudhu soubhik ke tar baaje kota jinish er jonoh mon a rakhcho, this is not fair.. ami tomar jonoh ja ja korechi joto joto bhalo jinish korechi shei gulo ki kore muche falo ato easily.. sudhu baaje jinish gulo rekhe 10 bochor newa to understand is not right mimi ...

charo raag korei boshe thako sei 80 years boyesh a meno amay :( :"( 

October 29th 2013 (9:17am)

Goto kaal tomar sathe oi bishoy ta niey sesh barer moto call korlam. Khub kostho hochilo bhebe je yes i was at faults at some points of the relationship, and the harsh words that just flew out of my mind was just too quickly spit out, Eta joto deen jache bujhchi my mind was never under my control..

Sudhu heart ta nijer control a chilo .. tai dakho naa akhno tomay cheyejachi after these long years.. Kostho hoche khub bojhate parbo naa.. abar kaal ekta kharap sopno dekhe fellam.. uthe kadte parlam naa, nijeke strong kore abar chup kore shue rakhlam for the rest of the night.

akhno majhe majhei khub bhoy kore.. jani naa ki kore oi bhoy ta overcome korbo.. this fear might ruin my career.. but its ok i guess shob thik hoe jabe with a few years i wud forget my fears and get back to normal..

Mon er ekta corner a ache je tumi ashbe naa ar , tumi amar theke mukti chao ... With time mayb tomar heart heal kore jabe to marry sum1 else, but bieyer agey mind ta ki state a thakbe jani naa..will i be accepted or rejected ??..
ei ekta question amake tyag korte hbe , i guess i will have to equally stay happy without you ...

Tumi boro ho o , aro strong ho o , nijer modhe je jinish gulo chilo na shei gulo aro develop koro , i am sure bhogban tomay bhalo jinish i debe..

Hmmm tomay chara i amay thaka practice korte hby , i will create my destiny from now on, kin2 chintar modheo tomar opor kichu chapabo naa.. i visualize we would meet again some day but oitukui dekhi ... sedin tumi amay ki uttor debe sheta completely tomar opor...

Hope o kori naa tumi haa bolbe...karon some hopes if failed will take me beyond the point of shatteredness that i am going through right now.. but etai jani khub bhalobashi tomay.. tomar bieyer photo gulo ekdeen roj roj dekhbo ar angul diey tomar chul guloy hath debo.. jani naa tomar pashe ke thakbe ? ami na onno keu ?

jei hok naa keno tumi amar mimi hoe theke jabe amar kache.. ami ki kore majhe mjhe oto rege jetam jani naa.... kheyal kore dekhbe amar raag sudhu tokhn i hoto jokhn tumi taratari bari jabe bolte, aaj dakha korte parbe naa bolte , jokhun aaj fone korte parbe naa bolte , and penultimate raag ta beriegechilo jokhn shunlam chole jacho tumi permanently... Amar shob raag er bishoy chilo tomake naa pawa ... aaj life er ekta last lesson baki tomake chara bina raag kore bina nijer khoti kore tomay bhalo beshe jawa.. Tai hok tahole ..

Nijeo dekhi koto ta bhalo bashi tomay.. sudhu somoy i bolbe ke kake koto ta bhalo bashe ...
Parbo nijeke sustho korte , parbo nijeke nijer lokkho obdhi niey jete ??jani na go...

Tumi khub bhalo ami jani .. amar driro bishas tumi shotik poth ei egiey jabe , jodi tomay naa pai koshto hbe kin2 akhhep thakbe naa ek fota, karon ami prithibir je corner ei thakbo i will know tumi bhalo thakar chesta korcho..

Elam go apato